Coming Up...

Fashionable Fundraiser
for Go Red for Women

A fundraiser for the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women movement at the Tulsa Women's Living Expo 2009, February 13th - 15th.

The fashion show features Macy's fashions and the Oklahoma International titleholders. All fashions are auctioned during the event, with proceeds going to Go Red and AHA. The show takes place at 2 PM on Valentine's Day. Remember to love your heart! I hope to see you there!

Happy holidays!

Bobby, Georgie, and I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas and all of the blessings that come from God, this year and always. :)

We had a wonderful holiday season this year! We hosted Thanksgiving for the first time, I rode in my first-ever Christmas parade, I co-led another marriage workshop, and I finished my paper on boundary integral equations methods to solve the Laplace equation. It was a lot of work but well worth it. I learned a lot about the subject itself, but also how to give a presentation in my field (it's very different than motivational speaking) and how to type equations in the professional, although often frustrating, TeX. Then Bobby and I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day with his family. We laughed often, played Balderdash, and caught up with relatives and made new friends. It was a wonderful, relaxing time, just as the holidays should be. We are truly blessed. We received and gave lots of beautiful gifts but the real gifts are our friends, and these loving relationships are the perfect image of who God is and what He has done in sending us His Son Jesus.I've also spent some time reading for pleasure (Thank you, Lauri! I finished the book you gave me in less than two days! It's called "What Would Jackie Do?", about the lifestyle of Jackie O.) I shopped for family and friends, spent time straightening up the house, got back into my pilates and strength training routines (I feel so great now!), and lent a hand, where needed, to my family. I am so grateful to have this time to recharge and take a break from my computer screen.

The New Year brings great things! My resolution is to live in the present moment -- resisting the temptation to focus on past successes or set-backs, or even my future goals. Steph and Steve get married on May 2 and I graduate with my MS on May 9! My family is coming from Florida for graduation, including my sister Jade's newborn baby Ella(!) so I can't wait. I'm looking forward to going to wine country with Steph and our girlfriends, and helping Steph as she much as she needs me. I'll continue to promote my platform through school-based presentations on overcoming obstacles, self-esteem and respect. Banana Splits has not been as successful as I would have liked, but I believe that where God closes a door, He opens a window. A state-wide Banana Splits organization may be too big for me to handle right now, but I know God will use me to help this population this year and throughout my life, and to glorify Him through this work in the future. We're taking baby steps but they are a step in the right direction.

Many blessings and happy holidays to you all!! Lots of love from Oklahoma!

October 2008

Dear friends and family,
It has been a busy few weeks!

On October 13, I finished a PREP workshop at the Tulsa Technology Center. Co-leader Corine Tripplett and I taught the material over six weeks to an enthusiastic and interactive class. It has always been my perspective that if one person's life is better because of me, I have succeeded, and several couples expressed that they were using the relationship skills we had taught them and that they had benefited from the material. The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative (OMI) has not only succeeded in preventing divorce, but for many couples (including Bobby and me) we're helping couples improve their marriages! As a volunteer, my greatest gift is knowing that other couples will have happier, healthier marriages because of the investment of twelve hours of my time.

My work with Banana Splits implementation has been slow, as many of the counselors and volunteers who expressed interest in the program seem to be over-committed this fall. It has been frustrating, but I know God has a plan and I'm willing to do by best within His constraints and on His timeline. I'm working on a new project for children and families experiencing divorce (details will be announced soon!) so it's possible that my challenges with Banana Splits will lead to creativity and projects! Please continue to pray for God's blessing and guidance in my work to serve children from changing families.

Last night I gave out candy to little princesses, ghouls, witches, Hannah Montanas and several Incredible Hulks and Indiana Jones' last night at the Stillwater Halloween / Fall Fest. The children were adorable and Lauri and I had a great time! I love going to Stillwater. I hope to be back in Stillwater for another appearance soon.

I have the Bethel Foundation Catwalk for a Cause benefit on November 7 in Oklahoma City. The foundation supports single mothers, and I know that my mom could have benefited tremendously from their tangible supports and invaluable emotional support after my parents divorce. Please check out their website to donate and purchase tickets for the Friday evening event.

I'm working on my group report project with friend and peer Kim Adams, working on an often frustrating though rewarding numerical optimization project, teaching, and studying and learning new things in my numerical diff. eqns. course. As you can imagine, my school work and teaching are both demanding and rewarding. I've been taking my work to new levels and improving my ability to communicate what I know. I've learned more about Matlab and programming than I ever thought possible and I'm passing my mathematical enthusiasm on to my students. I love to learn and I'm more confident than ever that my career choice was the right one. I enjoy the work itself -- the problems occupy my mind -- and I admit to being a little distracted -- but when the lightblub finally turns on and I find one more piece of the puzzle, it is all worth it. I love seeing my students' faces light up when they experience the same thing through their studies.

Now the next step...asking for letters of recommendation! It is my hope that the professors that I have grown to admire and respect have a positive impression of me, my work ethic, and my potential academically. Wish me luck!

I better get back to my books now! I'll be sure to write again soon.

OK Marriage Initiative All About Us Workshop

OMI's All About Us workshop is a one-day workshop especially for engaged couples!

Would you like to
* save money on your marriage license?
* know the secrets to a lasting marriage?
* keep the spark alive after saying "I do"?
* learn the tools for a lifetime of love?

This Saturday, October 4, 2008
9 a.m. — 4 p.m.
Metro Tech
1900 Springlake Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK

Click here to register!

Beauty and Substance?

Hello friends and family! What a month! School began one month ago, and I began teaching three calculus quiz sections and working on projects and courses of my own. Everything is right on schedule with work and school. I've been teaching the PREP class at the Tulsa Technology Center on Monday nights and it is going wonderfully! We have a great group of students who are eager to learn and improve their relationship skills.

On a personal note, Bobby had extensive dental surgery a week ago, and he has had some complications as well. The pain of dental work is some of the worst in the world, and he will have more procedures taken care of tomorrow morning. Please keep my husband and his healing in your prayers!

I've been on the phone a lot lately, speaking with other divorce support advocates from across the country about partnerships to take our missions to the national level. I've been talking to many people about grant money, although I'm not sure that is necessary, given the low cost of program implementation. My goal is that we would reach as many people with these support services. On the local level, I've been talking to guidance counselors at area schools to iron out the details of making a divorce support program a reality. On October 10, I'll talk with Mayor Kathy Taylor of Tulsa about my goals of establishing divorce support programs at every school in the state. It is a lot of work, and it is tough to do all of this as a full-time graduate student, TA, and with my family and social obligations, but it has been worth it. I'm looking forward to doing more!

On a lighter note, I sang the national anthem at a TU football game on Saturday night! It was a lot of fun and I think it went well. I took pictures with several students (I recognized them from Kep Hall, where I teach, but they didn't recognize me at first). Then all of a sudden, it clicked! I bet that I looked different to them with my hair curled, wearing make-up, my crown and my sash, as opposed to the no make-up, baseball cap look that I wear on a typical day at school. It's fun to get dressed up and feel like a queen, but it's also nice to show young women that while I love to feel beautiful, there is some substance there too. I'm also a volunteer and an advocate, and a future math professor and I'm proud of that. I love math and the elegance of logic. I also love challenging the stereotypes that beautiful women are dumb, or that in order to be successful, women must abandon their femininity.

My friend Janitha has a quote on her myspace page, which I copied and pasted into mine. It says, "Beauty gets attention but personality captures the heart." I think that not only does personality capture the heart, but substance captures the heart. I feel that as women, we can and should take pride in ourselves, including our appearance, femininity, intellect and character. You can be drop-dead gorgeous, but to be Miss or Mrs. Oklahoma, once you've captured someone's attention you must have something to say. We can be intelligent, driven, compassionate and beautiful. These qualities are not mutually exclusive. And we can also be successful in what is typically a man's field. Being a woman is an asset; it is not a hurdle to overcome.

I better go! I have a lot to do today - a meeting at 1:30, office hours, and class at 3:30, and then a marriage workshop in Broken Arrow. I've been busy but I love it.
I'll write again soon!

Starting a Peer Support Group for Children from Nontraditional Families

Banana Splits program, a peer support group for children from nontraditional families, shows children that they are not alone, how they are feeling is natural, and that there are positive ways of dealing with what they are experiencing. Group sessions center on issues and concerns common to children with divorced or separate parents, such as changes in the family that occur as a result of divorce, living in two houses, grief, visitation, and step-parents. Each session is one-hour and takes place during lunch hour, so that students do not miss academic activities to attend the group and so that parents do not have to the added concern of trying to find after-school transportation for their child. Younger children are separated from older children, unless the numbers are so few that only one group can be created.A typical group has 5-12 children.

Bible-based Divorce Care for Kids, Rainbows, and the Children of Divorce Intervention Program (CODIP) meet similar goals through different lessons on similar topics.

With a clear outline for teachers and volunteers to adapt for their particular community, we can get a program off the ground and help as many children as we can, as soon as possible. The sooner we help these children the better, as children will often end up coping in unhealthy ways without adult guidance and support. I've spoken many times about the need for such programming and the potential benefit such programs have for our youth. But how can we get started? What about the logistics of actually doing this? Here's a little background on how to do just that.

How to Start a School-Based Support Group

1. Create and/or copy a memo for teachers, a parent letter, and a statement for the school newsletter concerning the formation of the group. Create and/or copy age-appropriate parent tip-sheets. (If you would like a template for these letters, email me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com).

2. Identifying children

* Send a memo to teachers, asking them to refer children who may benefit from participation.
* Print a notice about the new group's formation in the school newsletter.
* Speak to the school's PTA about the need for the group, the anticipated group activities and structure and the goals of the group.

3. Call parents.

* Explain the weekly topics, structure, and goal of the group.
* Screen out inappropriate referrals.
* Ask for verbal permission for their child to participate (written permission slips will be sent home with the child.)
* Communicate that learning about the family situation will help the volunteer group leader to understand the child's thoughts and feelings. Ask for a phone or in person interview or the completion of a parent questionnaire.

4. Write lesson plans / organize materials.

* Purchase the Banana Splits leader's guide or other divorce support group leader's materials. There is only a one-time fee of $50 to lead a chapter of the Banana Splits group. Contact me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com for more information. Bible-based Divorce Care for Kids, and Rainbows International also have wonderful programs for children with divorced or separated parents.
* Rainbows International, Divorce Care for Kids, and CODIP all have structured materials that do not require this step. They are also more expensive. Because the Banana Splits program is less expensive and more adaptable to the specific needs of the children in your group, I tend to recommend Banana Splits for public school implemntation. Banana Splits includes suggestions for activities but leaves the order and structure of activities to the group leader. Decide how you want to organize the topics for your first group. If you'd like a sample list of topics, email me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com.
* Always have enough material for two sessions prepared. It's better to have more than enough to do than to have a group of children without any planned activities for them!
* Have extra games and fun activities so that the group meeting always ends on an upbeat note.

4. Optional informational meetings

* Meeting for parents, discussing the nature and purpose of the group, with lesson plans available for parent review.
* Staff meeting, to get teachers and staff on board for the program. If a teacher does not support the group and the child is treated differently because of the teacher's opinion, group attendance may harm, more than help, a particular child. It is important that everyone is aware of the needs of children of divorce, the role of the group, and what teachers, volunteers, and staff can do to help children through this transition. Lesson plans are also available for review.

5. The first meeting may include:

* Name games and similar ice breaker activities
* Overview of what is to come, the purpose of the group.
* Making group rules.
* Closing activity, such as the Human Knot.

7. Typical group meetings include:

* Opening or "camp fire" about the past week. Everyone has a chance to share about their week.
* Lesson on divorce-related topics, for example: The Basics, Family Changes, Feelings Management, Grief, Legal Stuff, Happy Marriages, and Blended Families
* Closing activity.

8. Gather your materials for activities.
9. Send a letter to teachers informing that their students will be participating in the group on specified dates.
10. Have your first meeting!

I know this requires a lot of work, but I guarantee you that the results will be worth it. Children who participate in peer support groups see tangibly that they are not alone. They learn what they may expect in their new family life, and they gain age-appropriate coping skills that will continue to help them, for life. Children can be extremely fragile or they can be resilient. Peer support groups exist to promote resiliency.

If you need any help along the way, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would love to hear from you and I would love to help you turn what is now a dream and a goal into real community support for children from nontraditional families. You can find more information on helping children from nontraditional families on the Divorce Support page on my website www.SashaTownsend.com.

Shop for a Cause

Saturday, Lauri and I worked at a table at Macy's Woodland Hills for Macy's Shop for a Cause. Macy's supports the Go Red for Women movement and the Make a Wish foundation, and allows other local charity groups to raise money by providing discount passes in exchange for donations through the event. Lauri and I ran into the Bixby softball team and three lovely young ladies who were raising money for 4-H. We had a great time and had the opportunity to meet a lot of people, share the message of Go Red with them, share a little bit about the International pageants' partnership with Go Red, and raise money for heart-health education and the research efforts of the American Heart Association.

I'm looking forward to all of the possibilities of this partnership. One in three women die of heart disease. That statistic can change and we are the cure! I know that since I began to research I have taken better care of my own heart, and honestly, it all starts with women, making the personal choice to reduce their dynamic risk factors. We can't do anything about our family history, but we can do something about our diets, exercise plans, and our own awareness. To learn more about how to you can love your heart, visit Go Red for Women online, and check out the You're the Cure advocacy group to learn more about becoming an advocate.

I'm excited to be associated with AHA and look forward to doing more throughout my year as Mrs. Oklahoma and beyond. Like Michelle Fryatt has said again and again, it's not a cause -- it's a commitment. This isn't for a year, but for a lifetime. I know too many women who have been affected by heart disease to allow my work with AHA to end after my year of service. My first passion will always be to help families through the difficult transitions of divorce and separation, but in order to help children and families and couples, we have to be there for them, literally, and that means taking care of our health and taking care of our hearts specifically. My year as Mrs. Oklahoma is just the beginning...

Ms. Senior Oklahoma pageant

What an incredible experience! The contestants at the Ms. Senior Oklahoma pageant have inspired me for the second consecutive year. These ladies are beautiful in every sense of the word. They shared their favorite historical moments, their hobbies, and their wisdom and advice for living a fulfilling life. They showed that true beauty is present at any age. The event was presented by Grace Hospice, on September 6, at the VanTrease Center for the Performing Arts. With over 35 representatives from Oklahoma's senior living facilities and organizations, only four lovely women were crowned in the following categories: Assisted Living, Independent Living, Long Term Care and Adult Day Care.

After the pageant, I had the opportunity to speak with several of these ladies backstage. I congratulated them on their performances, and I even had a heart-to-heart with Ms. Senior Oklahoma Independent Living, Marie Wadley. She is 102 years old! She looked lovely and gave a great speech. She was thrilled and truly honored to have been awarded the title, and she is a very sweet lady. Marie was very deserving, although I admit that it was a tough pageant to judge in 2007 and I don't think it was any easier in 2008. All of the ladies had so much offer us with their inner beauty, wisdom, and sense of style. Here are some photos from the event. I only hope I can age as gracefully as these ladies.

With Ms. Peasant Valley Health Care, Beverly Kinser

With Ms. Quail Villa, Jean Frazee

(Below) With the newly crowned
Ms. Senior Oklahoma, Marie Wadley

Click here to read about Marie and her crowning!
(There is an error in the article. Although I attended the pageant
and spent time with Marie, I did not crown her that weekend.)

PREP workshop at Tulsa Technology Center

Forever. For Real.

I'm teaching a PREP® workshop this month!

At PREP workshops we give you the right tools to build the most important relationship in your life. If you are married, engaged, or single then PREP® is right for you! You’ll learn a skills-based approach to protecting your friendship, listening and being heard, solving problems together, and much more! EVERYONE is welcome to join us for this FREE, fun, straightforward approach to enhancing your relationship. Engaged couples who attend this dynamic workshop are eligible to receive their marriage license for $5.00 as opposed to the standard $50.00! Space is limited, so register today! Call 918-828-3100 to register.

I'll see you there!

Tulsa Technology Center - Broken Arrow campus
4600 S OLIVE AVE BROKEN ARROW OK 74011
Monday evenings 6-8p.m.
Sept. 8, 15, 22, 29, Oct. 6, 13

New Photos!

I've posted new photos from the Mrs. International pageant on my website! Check them out and let me know what you think!

PS - Thank you to all of my good friends in the Mrs. International class of 2008, to my brilliant and beautiful director Lauri, and to Bobby, my mom, Glenda, Ada and Auntie Queenie, for being a part of my pageant, supporting me, and sharing your photos with me! These relationships mean so much! It was a week I will never forget! Thank you for everything :) ~ I love you guys!

Progress for divorce support, new confidence through pageantry, and my upcoming school year!

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your kindness and support during this busy time. I have just begun my third semester as an applied math student and teaching assistant. I'm teaching three classes (which are full of wonderful students, by the way!), taking Numerical Differential Equations with Dr. Shirley Pomeranz, and working on two projects in the department. Everything is right on schedule. I admire the professors and peers I am working with, and I can already tell that I'm going to learn a lot this year!

My experiences at Mrs. International have had added rewards in all aspects of my life. I'm more proactive and confident as I continue to promote divorce support for youth. As a result, we have four new prospective chapters of Banana Splits this fall! Two chapters will be located in Tulsa Public elementary schools. We will have one church-based chapter, and another school based chapter in Oklahoma City. So many children will get the help they need, and in the meantime, we are building a legacy of progress so that other schools and community centers can look to these models and establish chapters of their own. It is my belief that these divorce support programs will be so successful that every school will want one, after we can show that we are getting results. I know there will be ups and downs, and like any new program, there will be a learning curve and a period of growth, but the compassion and enthusiasm are there in our volunteers and it is my hope and prayer that every thing will move forward as it should.

I'm also beginning to believe in my mathematical abilities, my speaking skills, and my knowledge of divorce support, math, teaching, and people. I know that I still have a lot to learn -- that is certain -- but my experiences at Mrs. International showed me that I can and should be confident in my abilities. As a person with perfectionistic tendencies, I often see all of the room I have for improvement, and I strive toward that improvement, but I also tend to believe the Groucho Marx quote, "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." I've tended to minimize my accomplishments and abilities in an effort towards humility, but I've often arrived at lower self-esteem. As a result, I think I have often underestimated myself. Being named fourth runner-up at Mrs. International, and knowing that had I been more confident, I could have performed even better, has helped my attitude towards my strengths in general. I feel like Stuart Smalley on SNL, looking into the mirror and saying, "Because I'm good enough, smart enough, and dog gonnit, people like me!" That doesn't mean I'm arrogant or conceited, but I have a new appreciation for my God-given talents, strengths, and personality. I'm progressing to truly believe my grandmother's words: "You're no better than anybody else, but you're just as good." I understand it on a new level now. I'm grateful to God and the Mrs. International organization that I have learned this. I feel it was meant to be, and now I can move forward in my career, volunteer work, and social and family life knowing that I have something to offer because I'm uniquely myself. It has been a wonderful and rewarding journey, and it has just begun!

This year, my best girl-friend Stephanie is getting married and I'm her matron of honor, planning our trip to California wine country for spring break. She's getting married the week before I graduate. I'm going to be busy with Banana Splits, volunteering at one TPS school, giving classroom presentations to youth about their family structures and self-esteem, and doing fun appearances like the Tulsa Wedding Show and singing the national anthem at TU football games. I'm also attending theMs. Senior Oklahoma pageant next weekend at the Southeast campus of TCC at the Van Trease Performing Arts Center. This is presented by Grace Hospice and is a benefit for them. I had the opportunity to judge this pageant last year, and it was one of the most beautiful, inspiring things to hear the stories of these incredible elderly women and to see that true beauty is ageless. Ladies, we can still be beautiful at 99 because it is what is inside us that matters! I'll be working with unbelievably intelligent people in the math department at TU. I will be learning about math, but also learning about their habits and discipline, the qualities that make them successful, not just as mathematicians and analysts but as people. I will give up my title in April. A week later Steph will get married. And a week later my family will fly in from Florida to watch me become "Master Sasha!" We joke that I'll be Master Sasha until I become Dr. Sasha. I'm also taking better care of my heart, exercising at least 30 minutes each day and watching my diet. I've been reflecting a lot on my grandmothers and their illnesses, and thinking forward to my children, and my children's children. I want to not only be there for them, but also to be a good example of good habits for them. This is going to be an incredible year! I'm so excited!

Thank you for joining me on my journey.
Sasha

Love Your Heart

Coronary heart disease is the single major cause of death in the U.S.

Like many, I've often taken my health for granted, especially during a busy semester or other busy time in my life, when I just didn't feel that working out, going to the grocery store, or cooking healthy meals would fit into my schedule. After researching the simple steps we can all make to prevent heart attacks and increase our heart health, and after thinking about the scary "1-in-3 women" statistic, and thinking about my grandmothers, my mother, and my future children and grandchildren, I've decided to make a commitment. I am going to commit to love my heart. I'm committing to practice what I preach. As an advocate and spokesperson for women's heart health and wellness, how can I not? I owe it to myself, to my husband, and to the people I love to take care of myself. I hope you will consider making some small changes to increase your heart-health too.

Here are some simple ways that you can love your heart!
This is a summary, with excerpts, of what I read on the American Heart Association website.

• Quit smoking.
• Choose good nutrition. "A diet rich in vegetables, fruit, whole-grain, and high-fiber foods, fish, lean protein, and fat-free or low-fat dairy products is key."
  
• Reduce blood cholesterol.
• Lower high blood pressure. This is the single largest risk factor for stroke, the no. 3 killer and one of the leading causes of disability in the U.S.
• Be physically active every day. Get at least 30 minutes of physical activity 5 or more days per week.
• Aim for a healthy weight. Your body mass index (BMI) can tell you if your weight is healthy. Click here to calculate your BMI.
• Manage diabetes.
• Reduce stress.
• Limit alcohol. One drink per day on average for women and 1-2 drinks per day on average for men.
  

Keeping all of this in mind, I'm going to set two heart-healthy goals for myself at a time. Once the new habits are established, I will add new goals! For now, my goals are to do cardiovascular exercise for at least 30 minutes per day, and make sure I eat at least one vegetable per day. I have to be honest -- I love vegetables but I haven't been eating them regularly. So far today, I've had two cookies, a bowl of oatmeal, and angel hair with meat sauce, which isn't exactly a heart-healthy diet. Veggies in a can aren't very appetizing, but when Bobby and I buy vegetables, they often end up going bad in the fridge. Adjusting my diet is a lot harder to do now that I'm back in school, teaching three calculus quiz sections, working on projects, and continuing my work with Banana Splits in Tulsa and Oklahoma City. Wish me luck and feel free to follow along at LovingMyHeart.blogspot.com as I journal about my struggles and successes in building a heart-healthy life. :)

Shop for a Cause

On Saturday, September 20, Macy's stores will host Shop For A Cause with donations benefiting Go Red For Women. Make a $5 donation and receive an all-day savings pass (20% off on most purchases, 10% off on others) for select merchandise.

All of my close friends and family know that I love Macy's! I will definitely be there to support this worthy cause. If you would like to make a $5 donation and receive your all-day savings pass, email me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com or give me a call if you have my number! I'm collecting donations and distributing passes as Mrs. Oklahoma. Macy's is a national sponsor of Go Red For Women. I'll see you there!

Go Red and Me

Earlier this year, the Mrs. International pageant partnered with the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women movement to encourage awareness of heart disease symptoms and risk factors in women, encourage healthy lifestyles, and end heart disease and stroke.

One in three women die of heart disease each year. When I think of my sisters and me, or my mom, my grandmother, and me, or my good friends Stephanie, Kelly, and Laura, I know that one in three women is one too many. Both of my grandmothers had diabetes, heart disease, and different types of cancer. Grandma Lim had a stroke a year or so before she passed away this March, and Grandma Platt had heart problems for as long as I can remember. She passed away in 2006. Both of my grandmothers were very young and very close to me.

So many people think that working out is for vanity, to look good in a bikini or to be a perfect size 4 or 6, or whatever they think a perfect size is. To me, getting my 30 minutes of exercise is necessary because I love my heart. I love Bobby. I love life. I think about the children I will have some day, and how I want to be around to babysit and nurture my grandchildren. I know that's a lot of thinking ahead for a 26 year-old, but I think this way all the time. I want to encourage women and men to love your hearts -- if not for yourself, for the people you love. My husband's grandfather died of a heart attack when he was relatively young. I want Bobby to care for his heart too, because I want him to be around for a long time, with the quality of life that comes through taking care of yourself and your body.

I was thrilled when I heard about the partnership, because while all of us are passionate about our personal platforms, no woman I know is one-dimensional. We're multidimensional, and we're compassionate, and in general we talk a lot. We have the ability to get this message out there. Also, heart disease is so prevalent that every woman competing in our pageant at the local, state, and national levels has a personal connection to this issue. As we become advocates and join the cause, we're each more likely to care for our own hearts as well. From every direction, it is obvious that this partnership is a good thing. I just joined the "You're the Cure" mailing list, received my Shop for a Cause day passes (see the blog above), and researched ways that all of us can love our hearts. I hope you will join me on my journey as I begin to work with the American Heart Association and Go Red in addition to my work for children of divorce. If we're going to be there for our children, we have to be there. We have to love our hearts. There isn't any other option than to take care of ourselves. I hope you will begin to love your heart for yourself and your family today.

The Tulsa Wedding Show

Bobby and I had a great day yesterday with Sandy Richardson of Applause Modeling and Talent Agency, and a fun group of models, vendors, and friends as we modeled beautiful formal wear and women and men watching helped plan someone's very special wedding day.

The models were wonderful. They were fun and sweet and friendly and youthful. Sandy and her friends were warm and kind. We modeled in three shows from noon to 5 PM, and had a short break at the the 3 o'clock hour to tour the show. Bobby and I tried some delicious wedding cake (I love Ludger's wedding cakes) and appetizers, and had to turn down a lot of vendors by saying, "We're already married!"

Here we are backstage in the ladies dressing room at the Tulsa Wedding Show:
Booby and I also took some very cute pictures in the photo booth (I wish I had a scanner so that I could share them with you!) and with an ice sculpture of two hearts - that happened to have colored ice shaped into an S and a B - perfect for Sasha and Bobby! It was meant to be!

Sandy offered to give me 30 seconds or so to talk about my platform, but I opted against it. In thinking about all of the women and their girlfriends, choosing gowns, cakes, florists, and reception locations, I didn't have it in my heart to bring up divorce. Looking back, I should have talked about the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and the opportunity to save $45 on their marriage licenses by attending a free 12-hour workshop series. Every couple can benefit from the information OMI has for them. Every couple can improve their communication and learn to nurture the best parts of their relationship so that they can have wonderful marriages that they have always dreamed of. At the next wedding show, if given the opportunity, I will share this. Many, many women will spend five hours at a single wedding show, plus many more hours, planning the wedding of their dreams. What about the marriage of their dreams? Bobby and I have been married two years, and we're still hopelessly in love with each other, although our relationship, just like any other, does require work at times. If you would like to find a free workshop, visit the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online.

Dressing up in wedding gowns was like being a princess for a day, and it meant even more to me to have Bobby by my side, modeling tuxedos. It is always easier for me to feel comfortable, elegant, and beautiful knowing he's right there next to me. I modeled four gowns and Bobby modeled three tuxedos in three shows. It was a lot of fun! I hope that Bobby and I will be invited back for the wedding show in January.

Mr. and Mrs. Oklahoma to appear in Tulsa Wedding Show

Dear friends,
I have some exciting news! One week from today, my husband Bobby and I will be modeling formal wear at the Tulsa Wedding Show! This is something I have always wanted to do, and Bobby is excited about the idea of being a male model! (He loves the Zoolander movie! LOL) We will be dressed in clothes from Annie Lane's bridal, Bridal Classiques, Miss Jackson's, Beshara's, Al's Tuxedos, and Men's Warehouse.

I just got the call from Sandy Richardson, of Applause Acting and Modeling Agency, today. She is such a warm, kind person on the phone. I'm looking forward to meeting her in person! Tickets are $8 each. The Tulsa Wedding Show takes place from 12 PM to 5 PM in the Renaissance Hotel's Grand Ballroom. For more information, please visit the Tulsa Wedding Show online. We hope to see you there!

Banana Splits Article in Education Week

The Banana Splits program is getting more media coverage! An article about the Banana Splits program was printed in Education Week. You have to subscribe to read the article. You can choose to subscribe to read just this article as well for $2.95. Follow the link to subscribe and read the full article: "A Taste of 'Banana Splits' Consoles Children Feeling Trauma of Divorce"

Teen Alcoholism Rooted in Childhood Experiences Like Divorce

I awoke this morning to read my google alerts about marriage and divorce, and found the headline above: "Teen alcoholism rooted in childhood experiences like divorce". Click the title to read the full article.

The article goes on to say that through a phone survey of over 3,600 Americans between the ages of 18 and 39, they found a link between negative childhood experiences, such as abuse and parental divorce, and teen alcoholism.

This is no surprise to me. People are trying to cope with negative feelings, including sadness, anger, and confusion, and often they end up coping in self-destructive ways. Some would read this and think that there must be a third variable, a variable that links to divorce that also links to teen alcoholism, and they might be right. I don't believe that it is divorce itself that is so traumatic for youth but all of the life changes and accompanying messages from friends and family that surround divorce that often prove to be traumatic. But the fact remains that divorce and such self-destructive behavior patterns as teen alcoholism are linked. The work we do is needed, and this study is just one more piece of evidence pointing to this need.

This is not to say that parental divorce means that a child is doomed, but instead that that a child of divorce is at higher risk than others. We can help these children if we find out what their needs are, and then meet them. Building on the experience of those who have helped children of loss in the past, we see that children can be protected, by showing them that they are not alone, teaching them how to handle negative feelings in healthy ways and helping them understand what is happening to their families. These are the central messages of peer support groups such as Banana Splits, Rainbows, and Divorce Care for Kids.

We have to be careful in looking at correlational studies, because if we assume a causal relationship where there isn't one, we won't get the results we expect by treating the supposed cause. However, when dealing with divorce and other negative life experiences, we can't run true cause and effect studies because they would be unethical. (We can't say, "Let all the parents of kids in this group divorce whil all of the children with parents in the other group stay together. Then we'll see what happens and note the difference between the groups.") Of course, that would be absurd. But we can do our best using correlational studies, and with compassion and care, we can find out what is happening in the hearts and minds of these kids and meet their needs. That is what the authors of the divorce support groups have done. It's not as scientific, but it is common sense and because we've seen the outcomes, we know that what we are doing is a good thing.

Banana Splits Training Opportunity!

When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

I believe the above statement with my whole heart, and this is another such opportunity to learn how we can better help children right here in Oklahoma. Dr. Valerie Raymond will be conducting a one day seminar on starting a Banana Splits chapter on November 5, 2008, from 10 AM to 3:30 PM in New York City. The fee for attending is $175 per school for non-NYAIS members. (NYAIS stands for New York Association of Independent Schools). The seminar is not required to start a chapter, but it is an excellent opportunity to learn from a psychologist who has led Banana Splits groups for over 30 years. If my schedule and budget permit, I hope to attend as Mrs. Oklahoma and learn from Dr. Raymond in person at her seminar this fall. I will do my best to arrange and rearrange my schedule so that I may attend. We'll see how it goes. :) Dr. Raymond maintains the online Banana Splits Resource Center as well.

Here is the seminar description as written on the NYAIS website:

Banana Splits in Your School: Starting a Group for Children with Divorced/Deceased Parents

This seminar for school counselors/psychologists, nurses, administrators and teachers will prepare participants, upon return to their home schools, to institute and run groups for students at all age levels with divorced/deceased/single parents. Using print and audiovisual materials as well as simulation activities, this is a comprehensive seminar covering the following:

* What is Banana Splits?
* Rationale: Why include such groups in mainstream independent schools?
* The nature of a successful school group program for Split kids
* The subjective experience of Split students and parents
* Preparation and involvement of school staff and parents in a Banana Splits program
* Specifics on how to launch the program
* Specific activities for different age levels

Dr. Valerie Raymond has 30 years' experience in the New York City independent schools as a teacher, learning specialist, and school psychologist, in addition to her psychology practice. She holds a masters degree in special education, a doctorate in applied educational psychology, and a postdoctoral specialization in counseling psychology, all from Columbia University. She is frequently invited to speak to groups of parents and teachers as well as professional groups, on topics from attention deficit disorder to divorce. Dr. Raymond currently serves on the professional advisory board of the Gateway School and is a school psychologist at Friends Seminary where she has led Banana Splits groups for 20 years.

NOTE for travellers:
Inexpensive, convenient lodging at:
Seafarers & International House
123 East 15th Street
212-677-4800
www.sihnyc.org

To register, click here.
Thank you for your interest!

In the News...

The Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise ran an article about me after my presentation to the Bartlesville Downtown Kiwanis club. Click here to read the article!

OKC Banana Splits and Visiting Bartlesville Kiwanians

Wow! It has been an eventful couple of days. Tuesday morning I drove to Oklahoma City to speak with Diane Ray about starting a new chapter (or two) of Banana Splits for inner city children and youth, and today I spoke at the Downtown Bartlesville Kiwanis meeting about advocacy for children of divorce and the Banana Splits program.

It feels wonderful to know that I am sharing this message and that people are hearing it...and wanting to take action to start new Banana Splits chapters. It is an exciting time for children of divorce because we are finally going to get these children access to the support services that they deserve! The time to help children of divorce is now.

On my way to see Diane, just a few miles from my intended destination, my car broke down. My cell phone screen said "emergency only", and I was already feeling lost, so I stopped to call her from a pay phone to let her know that I was lost. Then, as I was backing out of the Conoco station, my battery died. I was stranded half way across the state from home, but Raul the gas station attendant and some very nice young men, two of them on a cross-country road trip, helped me to contact my husband, get my car started, and get back on the road to Tulsa before the battery quit a second time.

Diane was very understanding, and offered to drive to Tulsa to meet with me about starting her new Banana Splits chapter. Diane, her friend, and three beautiful little girls met me at my house last night, and we talked for a long time about the need for the program, implementation, and our own family backgrounds and reasons for wanting to help children from changing families. Diane communicated that the majority of children participating would not come from families where the parents had divorced, but from single parent homes in the inner city. Many children do not even know both of their parents, much less interact with them both on a regular basis. While Banana Splits was designed with children of divorce in mind, children raised by single never-married parents, children who are raised by grandparents, children in foster care, and even some adopted children feel the same anxiety and uncertainty because of their lack of a parent figure or lack of stability with regard to family identity. Diane and her young friends left my house, with "Getting Started with Banana Splits" materials in hand, after 11 PM, only to face a two-hour drive home. I am so grateful for her enthusiasm and compassion for these children. Diane is seeing a need and meeting it. While I don't know what it's like to be an inner city kid, with all of the accompanying insecurity concerning gangs and street violence, I know a fraction of what it is like to come from a hurting family. I'm looking forward to working with these children and getting to know them. I am already inspired by their strength and courage, and we haven't even met yet!

Immediately thereafter, I put the finishing touches on my powerpoint for the Bartlesville Kiwanis meeting. I went to bed thinking, "How can we convince volunteers, who donate many hours to great causes, but who are also often stretched thin by their many commitments, that these children need our help and that they should find the time to do something about it?" I asked my husband and he said that he didn't know. I slept on it and woke up with a new idea. I made a few changes to my presentation (to include more insight into what the process of divorce is often like for these children and parents) and then hit the road. After getting lost for the second time in two days, I finally made it, at noon on the dot. :) I gave it my best college try and found a warmth and concern from the Kiwanians that was encouraging and inspiring. Charles Moll expressed his desire to do more concerning promoting and working with Banana Splits state-wide. The Kiwanis president shared that supporting children from changing families through programming might be a great option for an Oklahoma-Texas Kiwanis service project.

I am going to work on my proposal and get it to them soon. When I think of all of the possibilities, and all of the children that these volunteers may help, I feel excited and motivated to work hard to pitch this well, to explain what we intend to do and the program's benefits, to the 'right people.' Sometimes it saddens me that the title is needed to open doors, but for me and for these children, the title has opened so many doors and I am now talking with people who are motivated to help youth become the very best that they can be. I am so grateful for these opportunities and the interest and enthusiasm of those I have met. I better go and get back to work! I'll write again soon!

My Pageant Cast Interview

Tim Kretschmann interviewed me on July 3 for PageantCast! We recorded the interview and then this PageantCast episode was posted on July 25th. I had the opportunity to meet Tim in person -- what a nice guy! Click here to listen!

In the News...

Hello friends! I just thought I'd share that I am featured in the August issue of Oklahoma magazine and the fall 2008 issue of Pageantry magazine.

Pageantry magazine published a story on the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant on page 82 of the fall issue. I'm also pictured in the 'Pageant Patter' on pages 95, 99, and 103 in several events from my first two months as Mrs. Oklahoma International! On page 24 of the August 2008 issue of Oklahoma magazine, I'm pictured with fellow TU alum Nick Doctor at the YWCA's Wine, Women and Shoes event. Nick and I ran into each other kind of randomly. Because I attended the event unaccompanied, it was nice to see a familiar face in one of my first appearances as Mrs. Oklahoma International 2008! Click here to register to view the online version of Oklahoma magazine.

It's all kind of old news and not really a big deal, but I thought that friends and family might want to pick up a copy!

Speaking at the Oklahoma State PTA Convention

On Saturday, July 26, I had the very exciting opportunity to address PTA presidents and volunteers from across the state at the Oklahoma PTA convention about advocacy for children of divorce. I was very excited and a little nervous about this appearance, because I knew that these were the people I needed to talk to. I thought to myself, "If I want to make a difference for children of divorce in Oklahoma through school-based peer support programs, these are the folks I need to convince."

So I began with a pageant question to break the ice, helped the adults in the room to understand the multiple losses that children of divorce experience every day, and then asked for action. I asked the PTA leaders to call their school superintendents, to talk to their principals and guidance counselors, about implementing programming for children of divorce. I offered to help with fund-raising and laying the groundwork for pilot programs. This is so important -- not just to me -- but to the over one million American children who experience the divorce of their parents every year. I don't know how many children experience this in Oklahoma but each year we are either first or second in the nation when it comes to having the highest divorce rate. I love Oklahoma, but that is one thing about Oklahoma that I am not proud of. The divorce support programming also helps children from different family structures -- children who have grown up without a mom or dad at home, children whose parents never married, foster children, children who have lost a parent through death or children of an incarcerated parent. Programs like Banana Splits and Rainbows are for children who feel different because of their family structure and who want understand what is happening to their families, to learn how to deal with emotions in healthy ways, and to see tangibly that they are not alone.

Kids come to the groups to give and gain peer support. We address what is happening at home in non-threatening ways. For example, we don't ask children to talk about their home life (this is not therapy) but instead we discuss general issues that many children in the group face, such as visiting their non-custodial parent on the weekends, and how to handle and deal with the situations that are likely to come up in the new family structure. I'm not talking about counseling but instead a group that teaches children skills and attitudes that will help them with life after parental divorce.

I think that I conveyed my message with sincerity and passion. Many members in attendance approached me about starting a program and I'm thrilled that the interest is there. I've even had a couple of phone calls about starting pilot chapters for children of divorce across the state. It is my hope that we can turn sincere interest in helping children into real solutions and tangible help. We all see that they are hurting and that they need help, but we have ignored this problem for such a long time...it is natural to stay in our comfort zones and continue to hope we can help children without directly addressing these issues. But the way we handle that needs to change -- Adults, we must begin to do something about it! We have the power to help children if only we have the compassion and will to use it.

Please talk to the parents, educators, and other volunteers at your child's school, your church and favorite neighborhood family centers about helping children through divorce, or consider starting a chapter on your own. I will give you all of the information you need to get started! When you witness kids that you know reaping the benefits of this programming, you'll be glad you did!

July is the second annual National Child-Centered Divorce Month!

The following article was cut and paste from a google alert I received on children and divorce. As an advocate for children of divorce for five years now, I was surprised to find out just now that July is National Child-Centered Divorce Month. The goal is to protect children from post-divorce parental conflict, so that parents continue to work together to do what is best for their children, rather than putting their children in the middle and forcing their children to take sides. Although I have published it before, I am going to repost the Child of Divorce's Bill of Rights and the Child's Advice for Divorcing Parents in honor of this very special month. Children in a New York chapter of the Banana Splits program came up with this advice for parents.

If as an advocate for child of divorce I was not aware of this month's designation, it is clear to me that many, many others are unaware that July is National Child-Centered Divorce Month. I will do my best to promote this special month and it's purpose year-round, and I will also educate others about this special designation next year. For more information about child-centered divorce, go to www.ChildCenteredDivorce.com.

Bill Of Rights For Children Whose Parents Are Separated/Divorced
* The right not to be asked to "choose sides" between their parents.
* The right not to be told the details of bitter or nasty legal proceedings going on between their parents.
* The right not to be told "bad things" about the other parent's personality or character or behavior.
* The right to privacy when talking to either parent on the telephone.
* The right not to be cross-examined by one parent after visiting the other parent.
* The right not to be asked to be a messenger from one parent to the other.
* The right not to be asked by one parent to tell the other parent untruths.
* The right not to be used as a confidant regarding the legal proceedings between the parents.
* The right to express feelings, whatever these feelings may be.
* The right to choose not to express certain feelings.
* The right to be protected from parental warfare.
* The right not to be made to feel guilty for loving both parents.

Child's Advice for Divorcing Parents - Compiled by children in a NY based Banana Splits chapter with group facilitator, Dr. Jill Greenstein.
* Spend alone time with all your children.
* Tell the truth and don't break promises or lie.
* Don't fight, yell, etc. in front of your children -- it makes your children scared and worried.
* Help your children with their homework.
* Share important information with your children.
* Listen to your children and pay attention to them.
* Have patience with your children and try not to get too angry.
* When you're angry, try not to take it out on your children.
* Communicate your feelings.

Advice for Parents and the Bill of Rights were reprinted with permission from Jill Greenstein.

__________________________________________________________________
Child-Centered Divorce; Focuses on Kid’s Needs (article reprinted from an online press release)

Divorce can be particularly difficult for children whose parents announce suddenly that they are to split and in this nation of soaring divorce rates it’s no wonder that that topic is so widely discussed. Too often it seems, parents caught up in their own emotions, sense of loss or frustration, use their children as bargaining chips in a game of who is right or wrong; mom or dad. Children’s need should be put first however when going through such times to ensure that the child or children of a family going through transition realize that they are loved and that the divorce has nothing to do with anything they said or did.

July is National Child-Centered Divorce Month and will witness professionals from various fields coming together to share important parenting messages to help parents put their kid’s needs first when making decisions related to divorce or separation. Therapists, educators, attorneys, the clergy and even coaches will participate in this summer’s initiative, the second annual of its kind.

National Child-Centered Divorce Month was started by author and single parent Rosalind Sedacca to help create a positive parental structure for moving forward in the relationship realm while keeping the needs of the children involved in a split first and foremost. One of the most valuable parenting messages put forth is “Don’t Make Your Child a Pawn in Your Conflict.” Important messages to share with children include telling the child that none of it is their fault, both Mom and Dad still love them and always will, and that Mom and Dad are taking care of things with the child’s best interests in mind.

The statistics on divorce can be daunting yet outlets exist for making sure children’s needs are met. This July, and throughout the year, organizations and individuals are working to ensure that parents make the responsible decision to keep children out of their adult quarrels and differences of opinion and instead provide the love and caretaking children need to thrive.

Mrs. International 2008 in Times Square!

Here is a photo of the Jumbotron in Times Square where our new Mrs. International's crowning moment was displayed and Laine Berry's new title was announced! It was displayed several times over several days! The class of 2008 is so happy for you, Laine! Congratulations!

I'm home from Mrs. International!

I write this from my home computer, wearing comfy clothes, flip flops and no make-up. Oh, it feels so good! It feels good to be home. I feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful experience. My fellow contestants were just amazing and I just fell in love with some of them! Lifelong friendships began last week and for that I am truly grateful! I am hesitant to list names because I know I'll leave someone out, but my new girlfriends are wonderful. Everyone had a great attitude and a great spirit. My new friends are truly amazing and inspire me to do more and be more for my cause and my husband! I'm ready to get back to work here in Oklahoma -- and my first appearance upon my return will be the Oklahoma State PTA Convention. I'll be speaking with leadership from PTAs all over the state about advocacy for children of divorce and giving them contacts and information concerning who to reach to request divorce support programming at their schools and what they can do to help children of divorce. This is what being Mrs. Oklahoma is all about -- wish me luck!

But it has been an incredible week. It was exciting and wonderful and rewarding yet exhausting. We worked hard and played harder, and I'm thrilled and honored to announce that I was named 4th runner-up among an outstanding group of 47 incredible women!

Prelims went extraordinarily well on Friday. I had a great time on stage and I like to think I just shined because I was so in the moment. Bobby's presence made me feel loved and beautiful. It makes me so happy when I get to see him right before I walk for evening wear. Then, the worry and analysis area of my brain got a work out as I hoped and dreamed and wondered if I made the top 10. When I heard my name called, I was so surprised! Being a math person, I calculated that there was a 78.7 % chance that I would not make top ten, and knowing my fellow contestants and knowing the scoring system, I just wasn't sure that my stage presence and interviews had been enough. But it was enough! I was top ten contestant #5. I felt thrilled and honored and surprised and touched. In my nervous anticipation and tiredness after the long week, I think I did less than my best during the top ten competition, but I know that last night's performance was meant to be and I'm exactly where God wants me right now. I have so much room to grow and so much to do as Mrs. Oklahoma and with my Master's degree this year. God's plan is so much better than anything we could ever want or imagine for ourselves. I feel truly, truly blessed and I can't wait to do more right here in Oklahoma.

Laine Berry, Mrs. Southeast, took home the crown. Laine is warm and engaging and quite lovely. Laine and Brenda, who is Mrs. Colorado, and I sat together on the bus on Wednesday and enjoyed a great conversation about marriage, loss, and our missions and work with our chosen causes. I also enjoyed a lovely lunch with Laine, Mrs. Canada, Mrs. Maine, Mrs. North Dakota (my roomie, Angela -- I adore her!), and Shannon Devine at the Signature Room. Although there was a mix-up with the bill, it all worked out and we had a great time together discussing (almost) everything under the sun. I know Laine is going to do great things for Go Red and the Mrs. International organization during the coming year. I can just feel it. :)

The first runner-up was Mrs. Georgia, Meredith Boyd. Wow -- she is just a sweet, fun person and I loved spending time with her! When we first met, she immediately commented on the music on my blog! Fun, friendly and approachable -- I LOVE this lady! I'm so glad to have made a new friend in her.

The second runner-up was Patti Mercer. I forget what state she's from. But she is a fun, genuine, good-hearted lady too. I remember seeing her dancing in the wings from across the stage and just thinking that it looks like a party over there! Wherever she is, people have a good time. I'm so glad that the judges were able to see that and recognize that. I wish I had spent more time with her because I'd really like to get to know her better!

The third runner-up was Deanna Linz. What can I say? She is truly a class act. She was one of those that I didn't have the chance to really get to know, but every interaction with her was a great one. She does so much for military families and I am very grateful for her service and her husband's service for our country and this very important cause.

The rest of the top ten included Mrs. Tennessee (future Olympian! You have to love Tiffany Love! No pun intended LOL), Jessica Plante, Mrs. Mass (I loved her sarcasm -- she was so fun, real, and funny!), Mrs. NY, Lori Donaudy (also very cool), Joy Pfister (very much a sweetie), and Shannon Devine (I love this lady!! Very fun, cool, and classy! I'm glad we had the chance to get to know each other!!)

Honestly, going into this pageant, I worried about cattiness, mind games...you never know in pageantry what it's going to be like...especially at this level. But each of the women had inner beauty and character to match their outer beauty. We had a BLAST dancing at the coronation ball, and another cool thing -- I won $250 as the fourth runner-up! Tammy McDonald, Mrs. US International 2007, and her husband, donated thousands in scholarships for Laine and her court. I feel honored and blessed and grateful to have been among them.

...Now it's time to get back to work! I have papers to grade and a final exam to write for my calculus students this week. I also have to finish the Parent Tip Sheets for the Oklahoma PTA appearance next weekend. I'm going to reach so many people, and working together we're going to touch so many lives. I would have loved to have been Mrs. International, but winning a crown and a title isn't what this is about for me. This is about doing this work, making this difference, helping children of divorce and raising awareness for the needs of kids that are often forgotten. It is so rewarding and I am inspired by my fellow contestants to do more and be more to become the best Mrs. Oklahoma I can be!

I would like to thank everyone, especially my amazing husband Bobby, my director Lauri Rottmayer, and her husband and son David and Geoff, my amazing mom-in-law Ada, my mom, Glenda, Auntie Queenie and Uncle Glenn, my sister queens Megan and Brooke, and all of my fellow contestants for all of their support, encouragement, kindness and fun times this week. I couldn't have done it without you! I'd name all of my new friends from the pageant, but I fear starting that because I might leave out someone very special. Please know that I love you all and definitely want to keep in touch!

God bless you and your missions to help your communities! This isn't about us, but about showing God's love to others by doing amazing work for His children!
Sincerely and with my whole heart,
For His kids and His glory always,
Sasha

PS - For pictures from the pageant, go to www.themrsoklahomapageant.blogspot.com.

The Mrs. International Pageant ~ Interview Day!

Dear friends and family,
The last few days have been exhausting and wonderful, rewarding and life-enriching. My roommate Mrs. North Dakota is an absolute sweetheart and we have become great friends! I've also been getting along well with all of the contestants and staff -- no matter what happens on Saturday night, I am so grateful to have been afforded this experience! There have been a few moments when I've laughed a bit too loud or said something a little too honest (concerning our fitness wear, for example, yikes!), but I'm being true to myself and having a great time. I have had the opportunity to share my platform with several of the other ladies and I know that just getting the word out about this platform, the need for divorce support programming for youth and our ability as adults to do something about it is a step in the right direction. I have shared my message with a wider audience and in that sense, I have already succeeded this week!

Interviews were this morning and the judges were wonderful. All of them asked very relevant, important questions and I think the new Mrs. International will be the best person for the job. My platform is so important to me, and I think I conveyed my passion and vision with honesty and sincerity this morning. Please pray for peace for me as I compete tomorrow night!

Well, I better get going! We have a lot to do! Bobby arrives from Tulsa at 2:3o this afternoon and I will have the opportunity to spend a few moments with him before rehearsal -- which I'm really, really looking forward to! I have missed him so much! He is my rock, my best friend, and my greatest inspiration. Seeing him tonight will help me to feel comfortable and confident, and to see myself as he sees me. I love being Mrs. Oklahoma, but even more than that, I love being Mrs. Bobby Townsend. Wish me luck!

If you'd like to see pictures from this week's events, go to the Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant blog.

Sincerely,
Sasha MPT
Mrs. Oklahoma International 2008

TFTJ has published my article!

Turn for the Judges published my article "You're No Better Than Anybody Else, But You're Just as Good", or "A Lesson from Grandma" today.

The article is written with the women in pageantry in mind, and it talks about the battle that women in pageantry face between being self-confident and being humble as we deal with the possible emotional roller-coaster that comes through competing in pageantry and placing (or not placing) throughout our pageant careers. It's inspired by a quote from my grandmother. Please check it out and let me know what you think!

The article can be found under "editorials." You'll have to subscribe to TFTJ Cafe to read it. You'll have access to all of the TFTJ pageant-related articles for $20 per year. To subscribe and then read my article, go to www.tftj.com. I learned a lot from Grandma Platt. She was a strong, intelligent, kind woman and she lived her values every day. I hope you enjoy it!

New Oklahoma Marriage Initiative Ads

If you are a man who talks like these two, you need to attend an OMI workshop as soon as possible! LOL
Mocking

And here's another one! These are so funny. We all need to learn to be better partners for our mates!
Plans for the Weekend

Three interviews in two days! Whew!

Hi everyone! I've had an eventful couple of days! I had an interview for the TCC school paper yesterday and two radio interviews this morning. Yesterday I administered exam 3 for my calc I students, and immediately thereafter I had an interview with the TCC Connection. They interviewed me about the Banana Splits program and advocacy for children of divorce, and they also asked some fun questions -- my favorite (not-good-for-me) food, my most embarrassing moment, and many others! The issue comes out next week! I can't wait to read it!
Then this morning, I had a scheduled interview on 92.9 KBEZ with hosts Steve Smith and Samantha Matthews. I love Steve's cheesey sense of humor and Samantha was fun and down-to-earth. We had a blast, talked about my platform, talked about the upcoming Mrs. International pageant, and then once the microphones were off we solved a challenging combinatorics problem! So much fun! (I'm a nerd -- I know! -- I embrace my nerddom!) Combinatorics is just a fancy word for counting, by the way! The question was this:

Seven children are on a bus and each have seven backpacks. In their seven backpacks are seven large cats, and each of the seven cats has seven baby kittens. How many legs are there on the bus? (And no, it's not a trick question -- you don't have to worry about the bus driver or any of that!) If you think you know the answer, let me know, and I'll let you know if you got it right!

Steve's wife, Audrey, who is a paraprofessional for one of our TPS middle schools, also called while I was in the studio and expressed an interest in starting a Banana Splits chapter at the middle school where she works. The Mrs. Oklahoma title really is helping me to reach a wider audience for children of divorce. We are opening so many doors, and we are going to help so many children! Regardless of what happens next week, this is what being Mrs. Oklahoma is all about! Use the player below to listen to my KBEZ interview.


Then, as I was leaving the lobby, Justin the Intern from K-HITS caught me and asked me if I wanted to be on K-HITS this morning, on their "Wylde WakeUp Show" - with host Scotty Wylde, Lindsey Bauer, and Justin the Intern. FYI, K-HITS is Tulsa's hit music station. They play a lot of hip hop and pop music. They are young and fresh and fun, and I loved talking with them. Scotty emphasized my advocacy for children of divorce and my work with OMI, and then they asked about my opinion on what what going on in poor Miss South Carolina Teen USA's head when she answered the infamous maps question last year. Then they asked me for my answer to the question. I said, "Obviously there is a problem in our public schools." "Short and sweet!" Lindsey said, "I like that!"

After our first segment, a woman called and asked about relationship education because she heard us talking about the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and it's programs on the show. We helped at least ONE couple learn about being great partners for each other and that makes me VERY happy! We're strengthening families and relationships and my year has only just begun! I also think it was great experience because as Mrs. Oklahoma and Mrs. International, a young woman has be able to get her point of view across to diverse audiences. It was interesting going from the easy listening station to the hip hop/pop station. The funny thing is, I'm so eclectic -- I listen to both stations all the time! Both have programmed buttons in my car. :) It was an honor being on and I look forward to getting the word out more about helping children of divorce by implementing divorce support programming for kids. If you listened today, thanks for listening! It means a lot to me!

If anyone else would like to contact me about Banana Splits or the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, and if you didn't get a chance to call in and are somehow reading my blog now, please email me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com. I'm only one person, and there is only so much one person can do alone, but with your help, we can help many, many children of divorce! Thank you for your interest!