The Power of Positive Thinking

"The most powerful tool you have is taking responsibility for how you think and what you focus on. What you think is what happens." --Patricia Moreno, founder, SatiLife.com

I read this quote recently and I thought about all of the ladies getting ready to put themselves out there in a few short weeks at the Oklahoma International Pageants. This quote inspired me to write about the power of positive thinking.

Many women in pageantry consider themselves perfectionists, myself included. This is not to say I'm perfect (I'm far from it, in fact!) but that I do want things to be just right. I am always satisfied when I do my very best. But when I make a mistake that was completely within my control, I get upset with myself. I have engaged in more than a little negative self-talk in my lifetime and I have been called a people-pleaser. A friend in the counseling field said I was more concerned with "human doing" than being a "human being." My response was, "How can you call yourself trustworthy if you don't behave in a trustworthy way?" Or "How can say that you are xyz adjective without doing something in life to support that?" Human doing. It wasn't until this year that I finally understood what she meant.

Most of us know that you can't measure your self-worth by your dress size or your bank account, but your accomplishments? That's a different story. Ladies, we can't measure our self-worth in accomplishments. We must recognize that we are valuable intrinsically and make our contributions to the world from this frame of reference. We are valuable without 10 years of volunteer and community leadership experience, and we are valuable without advanced degrees or exciting careers or pageant titles. From my faith, from my God, I understand that I'm valuable just the way I am. And I know you are valuable too.

This isn't to say that you shouldn't strive to achieve your dreams, your academic and career goals, and community service goals. Learning new things, working hard towards new success, and making lasting contributions to your community and your world are worthwhile activities. These activities connect people. These activities enrich your life. But ladies, please do not define yourselves by your resume.

As the quote at the top of this article states, we must take responsibility for how we think. We take responsibility for so many other things. I know I often take responsibility for things that I know I am not responsible for. We must take responsibility for how we think, especially during a pageant week or weekend.

You cannot allow yourself to compare yourself to the competition. You shouldn't assess them thinking, "Gosh, she's beautiful," or "Gosh, she's so much more accomplished than I am," or "Gosh, she's so well-spoken and I'm so inarticulate," or "Wow. She has a great wardrobe. My gown is so inadequate compared to hers." Don't compare your faces, your bodies, your personalities, your career accomplishments, your service accomplishments, or public speaking skills. Don't compare your husbands, your marriages, the lengths of these marriages or your age to anyone else.

Every woman is outstanding. Every woman (and man) has something to offer the world, and has something special to offer as Mrs., Miss, or Miss Teen Oklahoma International. Remember that "You are no better than anybody else, but you are just as good." You are unique and special and you have something to offer than no one else can offer, because you are uniquely yourself. And the other women have something to offer too.

Once you recognize both your own self-worth and that of others, you will be both humble and confident. You are free to be yourself, and free to engage those around you. You won't be either of the two extremes that sadden me when backstage at a pageant. I've heard one woman going on and on about how great she is, how many titles she has held, and how many pageants she has been in (ugh, gag me) and I've also overheard women saying, "Fix me! Do whatever it takes!" Honey, you don't need fixing! As for the first woman, to me self-absorption and arrogance have to be the most unbecoming personality traits on the planet.

Some people say you need to walk into a pageant expecting to win, while others say you have to enter a pageant expecting nothing.

I believe you should expect to do your best, to have a great time, to make new friends, and to challenge yourself. I believe you should prepare so that you have no regrets:

• Make sure you love the way you feel in your wardrobe (it should make you feel like a queen),
• Make sure you are as fit as possible, and
  
• Make sure you know your central message for the judges, why you want the title, what you intend to do with the title, and what makes you stand out above the rest. Prepare as you would for your interview for your dream job. Understand the logistics of what your job entails.

Then, when pageant week or weekend arrives, you need to be able to let it all go. You should have the perspective that it's really just a pageant. At the end of the day, if you should win, you'll be prepared for the title, and if you don't win, you have the perspective to realize that your life is more than a pageant and hopefully you learned a lot, made new friends, and grew through this process.

During the pageant: You need to stop the negative self-talk and relax. I'm a very anaytical person, and I know it is tempting to wonder, "Did I make the top 10? I felt that I did well, but was it enough? Was I good enough to be number 11? I wonder if I'm number 11." Don't rehash your entire private interview over and over in your head. Don't stress over the upcoming on-stage question. Most of all don't compare yourself to others. Befriend the other women if you can. Get to know them. They are all outstanding. Then, just be yourself. I know its easier said than done when you have intentionally asked people to judge you on who you are, but if you can be yourself and be real, you will stand out among the rest. Make eye contact. Be warm and be friendly. Let the judges, contestants, and staff get to know you, your sense of humor, your beliefs and attitudes. Be confident yet humble. Don't be arrogant. Don't have low self-esteem. You are so much more than a crown and sash. Then the judges will flock to you. You can be Mrs. Oklahoma and Mrs. Congeniality.

I understand all of this so well, because I have been that perfectionistic, analytical person, and I know how hard it is to overcome this -- but I also know how easy it is once you start. Once you begin to let go of the negative self-talk, it is so freeing that you won't want to go back to worrying ever again. Women tend to be worriers and a pageant, well, a pageant can bring out the best and worst in us. Think positive, and remember that you're no better than anybody else, but you are just as good. Then when you leave, crown or no crown, you will have won. No regrets.

Because honestly, when it comes down to it, while the pageant is about the contestants, the job of being Mrs. Oklahoma is not about you. It's not about your qualities and attributes, your accomplishments or how valuable you are. It's not about how perfect you've become in your communication skills, stage presence and figure since you began your pageant preparation. It's about them. It's about everyone else. It's about serving others. I suppose it's also a little bit about you. It's about you being a positive example. It's about you being a part-time minor celebrity and using that status to serve people in our state, especially our children. Of course, the truth is, the more you give, the more you receive. You will receive more through your service endeavors than any wonderful prize package could ever offer you. But it all begins with positive thinking. It begins with believing in yourself and believing in others. It begins with putting a stop to negative self-talk and not standing in your own way.

Good luck ladies!! I'm rooting for you! See you April 25!