Starting a Peer Support Group for Children from Nontraditional Families

Banana Splits program, a peer support group for children from nontraditional families, shows children that they are not alone, how they are feeling is natural, and that there are positive ways of dealing with what they are experiencing. Group sessions center on issues and concerns common to children with divorced or separate parents, such as changes in the family that occur as a result of divorce, living in two houses, grief, visitation, and step-parents. Each session is one-hour and takes place during lunch hour, so that students do not miss academic activities to attend the group and so that parents do not have to the added concern of trying to find after-school transportation for their child. Younger children are separated from older children, unless the numbers are so few that only one group can be created.A typical group has 5-12 children.

Bible-based Divorce Care for Kids, Rainbows, and the Children of Divorce Intervention Program (CODIP) meet similar goals through different lessons on similar topics.

With a clear outline for teachers and volunteers to adapt for their particular community, we can get a program off the ground and help as many children as we can, as soon as possible. The sooner we help these children the better, as children will often end up coping in unhealthy ways without adult guidance and support. I've spoken many times about the need for such programming and the potential benefit such programs have for our youth. But how can we get started? What about the logistics of actually doing this? Here's a little background on how to do just that.

How to Start a School-Based Support Group

1. Create and/or copy a memo for teachers, a parent letter, and a statement for the school newsletter concerning the formation of the group. Create and/or copy age-appropriate parent tip-sheets. (If you would like a template for these letters, email me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com).

2. Identifying children

* Send a memo to teachers, asking them to refer children who may benefit from participation.
* Print a notice about the new group's formation in the school newsletter.
* Speak to the school's PTA about the need for the group, the anticipated group activities and structure and the goals of the group.

3. Call parents.

* Explain the weekly topics, structure, and goal of the group.
* Screen out inappropriate referrals.
* Ask for verbal permission for their child to participate (written permission slips will be sent home with the child.)
* Communicate that learning about the family situation will help the volunteer group leader to understand the child's thoughts and feelings. Ask for a phone or in person interview or the completion of a parent questionnaire.

4. Write lesson plans / organize materials.

* Purchase the Banana Splits leader's guide or other divorce support group leader's materials. There is only a one-time fee of $50 to lead a chapter of the Banana Splits group. Contact me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com for more information. Bible-based Divorce Care for Kids, and Rainbows International also have wonderful programs for children with divorced or separated parents.
* Rainbows International, Divorce Care for Kids, and CODIP all have structured materials that do not require this step. They are also more expensive. Because the Banana Splits program is less expensive and more adaptable to the specific needs of the children in your group, I tend to recommend Banana Splits for public school implemntation. Banana Splits includes suggestions for activities but leaves the order and structure of activities to the group leader. Decide how you want to organize the topics for your first group. If you'd like a sample list of topics, email me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com.
* Always have enough material for two sessions prepared. It's better to have more than enough to do than to have a group of children without any planned activities for them!
* Have extra games and fun activities so that the group meeting always ends on an upbeat note.

4. Optional informational meetings

* Meeting for parents, discussing the nature and purpose of the group, with lesson plans available for parent review.
* Staff meeting, to get teachers and staff on board for the program. If a teacher does not support the group and the child is treated differently because of the teacher's opinion, group attendance may harm, more than help, a particular child. It is important that everyone is aware of the needs of children of divorce, the role of the group, and what teachers, volunteers, and staff can do to help children through this transition. Lesson plans are also available for review.

5. The first meeting may include:

* Name games and similar ice breaker activities
* Overview of what is to come, the purpose of the group.
* Making group rules.
* Closing activity, such as the Human Knot.

7. Typical group meetings include:

* Opening or "camp fire" about the past week. Everyone has a chance to share about their week.
* Lesson on divorce-related topics, for example: The Basics, Family Changes, Feelings Management, Grief, Legal Stuff, Happy Marriages, and Blended Families
* Closing activity.

8. Gather your materials for activities.
9. Send a letter to teachers informing that their students will be participating in the group on specified dates.
10. Have your first meeting!

I know this requires a lot of work, but I guarantee you that the results will be worth it. Children who participate in peer support groups see tangibly that they are not alone. They learn what they may expect in their new family life, and they gain age-appropriate coping skills that will continue to help them, for life. Children can be extremely fragile or they can be resilient. Peer support groups exist to promote resiliency.

If you need any help along the way, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would love to hear from you and I would love to help you turn what is now a dream and a goal into real community support for children from nontraditional families. You can find more information on helping children from nontraditional families on the Divorce Support page on my website www.SashaTownsend.com.