Speaking at the Oklahoma State PTA Convention

On Saturday, July 26, I had the very exciting opportunity to address PTA presidents and volunteers from across the state at the Oklahoma PTA convention about advocacy for children of divorce. I was very excited and a little nervous about this appearance, because I knew that these were the people I needed to talk to. I thought to myself, "If I want to make a difference for children of divorce in Oklahoma through school-based peer support programs, these are the folks I need to convince."

So I began with a pageant question to break the ice, helped the adults in the room to understand the multiple losses that children of divorce experience every day, and then asked for action. I asked the PTA leaders to call their school superintendents, to talk to their principals and guidance counselors, about implementing programming for children of divorce. I offered to help with fund-raising and laying the groundwork for pilot programs. This is so important -- not just to me -- but to the over one million American children who experience the divorce of their parents every year. I don't know how many children experience this in Oklahoma but each year we are either first or second in the nation when it comes to having the highest divorce rate. I love Oklahoma, but that is one thing about Oklahoma that I am not proud of. The divorce support programming also helps children from different family structures -- children who have grown up without a mom or dad at home, children whose parents never married, foster children, children who have lost a parent through death or children of an incarcerated parent. Programs like Banana Splits and Rainbows are for children who feel different because of their family structure and who want understand what is happening to their families, to learn how to deal with emotions in healthy ways, and to see tangibly that they are not alone.

Kids come to the groups to give and gain peer support. We address what is happening at home in non-threatening ways. For example, we don't ask children to talk about their home life (this is not therapy) but instead we discuss general issues that many children in the group face, such as visiting their non-custodial parent on the weekends, and how to handle and deal with the situations that are likely to come up in the new family structure. I'm not talking about counseling but instead a group that teaches children skills and attitudes that will help them with life after parental divorce.

I think that I conveyed my message with sincerity and passion. Many members in attendance approached me about starting a program and I'm thrilled that the interest is there. I've even had a couple of phone calls about starting pilot chapters for children of divorce across the state. It is my hope that we can turn sincere interest in helping children into real solutions and tangible help. We all see that they are hurting and that they need help, but we have ignored this problem for such a long time...it is natural to stay in our comfort zones and continue to hope we can help children without directly addressing these issues. But the way we handle that needs to change -- Adults, we must begin to do something about it! We have the power to help children if only we have the compassion and will to use it.

Please talk to the parents, educators, and other volunteers at your child's school, your church and favorite neighborhood family centers about helping children through divorce, or consider starting a chapter on your own. I will give you all of the information you need to get started! When you witness kids that you know reaping the benefits of this programming, you'll be glad you did!