I opened my email this morning to find a recent article from the Telegraph news publication in Britain with the headline, Divorce still damaging to children despite being more acceptable. Please click on the link to read the article. Today divorce is common. No one likes divorce, but we empathize with those going through it -- and hope it never happens to our families. We console divorcing adults by saying, "Divorce is so common these days. It's a normal part of growing up." They take solace in the conclusion of friends, even doctors, and clergy, who often tell them, "Children are resilient." "They'll bounce back."
But they don't always bounce back. The pain of parental divorce does not go away. Grief does not take care of itself, without first moving through healing. Only after healing can children move forward to realize their potential and the possibilities of life. Children of divorce need support services but as a community, we have done little to help them.
Part of my mission as Mrs. Oklahoma to share this fact: The fact that divorce is common does not make it any easier for our children. Ask anyone who has suffered a debilitating disease if the fact that millions of others have experienced the same disease makes the disease "normal" or easier to cope with. Where at one time the stigma surrounding divorce prevented divorces from occurring, today the social climate has shifted: divorce may occur but we don't talk about the stigma. Divorces may be necessary for some families, but instead of addressing related issues and backlash that stem from family break-up, we ignore those issues, hoping they will just go away on their own.
The article is wonderful because it shares an important fact that most people do not recognize. Research has shown that a decrease in social stigma surrounding divorce has not made it any easier on children. In fact, I'd say that the new divorce culture tends to isolate children, making it more difficult for them to grieve the loss of their intact families, making it more likely that children will try to 'cope' on their own and choose unhealthy, destructive so-called 'coping mechanisms.'
I have my work cut out for me as an advocate for children of divorce. There is no national or international organization that focuses on family crises and offers a variety of emotional and financial supports for families in transition. While there are many organizations with a similar vision, they implement specific programs. There is no organization that simply advocates for children in crises and works with all possible organizations to find help for children wherever and whatever their needs are. I believe it is because of this new social stigma - the stigma making the aftermath of divorce a taboo subject - that we have done little to help our most vulnerable people and most valuable assets, our nation's children.
I hope you will join me in my efforts, by reaching out to children of divorce in your community, providing age-appropriate guidance, promoting understanding, acceptance, grief and rebuilding, and establishing divorce support programming for youth, such as the cost-effective, time-effective Banana Splits program. It only requires a $50 licensing fee to start a chapter plus a little ground work on the part of volunteers, and soon children are receiving the support they need to overcome this difficult transition. It's going to be a long process and I'm in this for the long-haul. It all begins with awareness of the problem, acceptance of the responsibility to care for youth, and action. There is a problem facing our nation's youth. Adults, we are the solution! We have the power to help young people if we choose to accept the challenge. It is encouraging to read about recent research that will help us overcome the new social stigma surrounding divorce.
Another article on the same topic: Divorce Still Damaging for Kids
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