Hair & Make-Up by Ilquia

On March 13, I drove to Oklahoma City to take photos for Ilquia's hair and make-up advertisement for the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant program book. The talented April Brock of Brock's Photography took these beautiful photos. Thank you both! I'd also like to thank Sarah Oh and Oxygen, Inc., for providing my wardrobe. It get so many compliments because of the three of you! You make me feel like a queen! Here are a few photos from the shoot.

Forever. For Real. on March 11

On March 11, I began a Forever. For Real. workshop series with co-leader Pastor Rick Tabisz, of King Of Kings Lutheran Church in Glenpool, at Family & Children's Services on Peoria. Rick is an excellent speaker and a great asset for couples. He truly has a heart for service and works to make every couple feel comfortable and welcome at our workshop. I think we compliment each other well. I enjoy working with him very much!

That evening, Rick and I spent some time getting to know you couples and allowing the couples to get to know each other. Rick gave an overview of the curriculum and I taught my favorite lesson, on the four communication danger signs and the time out technique. I enjoy teaching this every time! I am very much looking forward to the rest of the series.

Forever. For Real. on March 8

On March 8, I hosted the first of seven workshops in an OMI Forever. For Real. workshop series at St. Gregory's University. We have a very diverse group, with a few engaged couples, a few couples that have been married between five and ten years, and a couple of couples whose children recently left home. Everyone said they were interested in keeping the spark alive (or reigniting that spark now that the kids are gone). The couples also said that they wanted to communicate better.

In our first week, we spent some time getting to know each other, discussing our expectations and perceptions about what relationships are like today, and then we learned the four communication danger signs and the time-out technique.

As I was teaching the four communication danger signs, I could see light bulbs going off as the workshop attendees began to recognize the habits of communication that were damaging their relationships. These danger signs erode the positives, especially our sense of emotional safety, in the relationship over time.

Emotional safety is the freedom
to really be yourself with someone.

It's virtually impossible to feel safe and to be able to connect with someone when you are walking on eggshells, when you are feeling unappreciated, disrespected, and undervalued, and when you fear being vulnerable with your mate because your partner may use that vulnerability against you in the future. These feelings are consequences of the negative communication patterns we call the danger signs.

Then, I offered our couples at least a temporary solution: We discussed time-out. When we recognize the danger signs, it's time to call a time out. Then, we do something to cool off, and have a time-in to discuss the issue at hand within 24 hours.

I love teaching this material because it really helped me to understand what a healthy relationship looks like, and how wonderful relationships can be if we take the time to learn to manage negatives well while nurturing the positive aspects of the relationship. I'll write more about the rest of our workshop series in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

To learn more about the communication danger signs and the time-out technique, and to find a free relationship workshop near you, visit the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online. Forever really can be For Real!

Visit with Johnathan Kayne

On the evening of March 5, I had my final fitting for my evening gown with creative genius Johnathan Kayne of Project Runway fame, and my very sweet, multi-talented hair and make-up artist/jewelry designer/friend Ilquia. Ilquia has been a fan of Johnathan since Project Runway. I was delighted to be able to introduce them!

Johnathan Kayne Gillespie

Last fall, I contacted Sharon at Johnathan's office about getting an evening gown. I listened to Johnathan's interview with Valerie Hayes. It stuck with me that he said his goal is to make women feel beautiful, and that he felt he could do that at a very low price point (which is necessary for me, given that I've spent the past six years as a student, graduate student, teaching assistant and now nonprofit director and math instructor). Like any pageant contestant, I just wanted to feel like a queen -- without having to go into debt for it. I found a gorgeous gown within my price range in his 2010 collection, and I have be honest, it makes me feel like I could be the next Mrs. America. :) With Johnathan's gown, Ilquia's gorgeous hair & make-up styling (I'll post pictures after the event!), and the faith and perspective to simply be myself and share who I am with the judges, I am confident that I will leave the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant with no regrets, with or without a crown, as Mrs. Oklahoma or as Mrs. Bobby Townsend. Thank you, to both Johnathan and Ilquia, for making a pretty girl feel absolutely beautiful.

My fabulous hair & make-up artist, Ilquia

Visit Johnathan Kayne's website and Ilquia's facebook page for more information about these fabulous people and the services they offer. They love what they do and are the kinds of genuine, open people that everyone wants to do business with.

Some neat trivia about Johnathan:
According to Wikipedia, while appearing on Project Runway, Johnathan won the "Fit for a Queen" challenge that required designers to create an evening gown for Miss USA Tara Conner to wear in the Miss Universe pageant. Tara went on to be placed fourth runner up in the Miss Universe pageant wearing her custom made dress.

Within My Reach Training

On March 3 through 5, I attended the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's workshop leader training for Within My Reach, which is OMI's singles curriculum. This curriculum was created by the same researchers from the University of Denver who created the couples curriculum (PREP) that we use at our Forever. For Real. workshops. I learned a lot from our trainers, Bob Davis, Jack Myrick, and Scott Roby, as well as my fellow trainees.

Within My Reach is the curriculum used in our Smart Singles workshops.

While much of the material is the same as that which we teach to couples, the Within My Reach curriculum is unique in that we discuss

• the decision to live together,
• problem behaviors in a potential mate,
  
• the seven principals of smart love (or how to choose a good partner),
• identifying an unsafe relationship (and how to get help so that you can exit it safely),
  
• stepfamilies and coparenting, and
• setting goals for our relationships.

This curriculum is a great fit for many of the parents of the children we serve through Blended Love, as well as the students and teachers at Tulsa Community College. I look forward to leading both the Smart Singles workshops and the Forever. For Real. workshops with the populations I see most often. There is so much to learn about relationships. I have faith that our thirst for knowledge and thirst for community and closeness will draw individuals to attend our free classes. The classes cost you nothing. We ask for an investment of your time. I believe that the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's free relationship education workshops can help those who want to build better relationships to do just that.

Whether you are single or attached, you can find a workshop near you by visiting the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online. When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

Family Matters

On March 1, I presented an excerpt of this speech, titled Family Matters: Making the Case for Advocacy for Children of Divorce, to Toastmasters Tulsa Club #148. I accumulated these results through research over the course of many years. This presentation examines how divorce impacts children and families. I offered four action steps for those in attendance.

Adults, we must

1.) educate ourselves about the problem, its impacts, and the special needs of children after divorce.

2.) meet the child's special needs. These needs vary based on the child's development, temperament, and personality, but we can safely say that all children need stability, security, emotional support and guidance, and examples of healthy relationships, healthy communication and conflict-resolution, and healthy coping skills.

3.) volunteer to work with children. Children need available, dependable, positive people in their lives. Be positive role model and become a mentor. If this cause is on your heart, send me an email at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com, to apply to become a volunteer with Blended Love, a nonprofit that seeks to help children after divorce.

4.) request divorce support programming for students at your school.

Left unaddressed, divorce has a huge impact on the trajectory of a child's life, but we know that it doesn't have to be that way. If not for your children, request programming for the children of others. As adults, we know that what happens at home impacts all areas of our lives; every child should be equipped to cope positively. These impacts cannot and should not be ignored. Family matters.

Family Matters

View more presentations from SashaMTownsend.

My Wedding Extravaganza

On February 28, I had a great day at My Wedding Extravaganza! I met wonderful vendors and a few very excited brides-to-be that day! Everyone had the best interest of the brides at heart and was sincerely interested in helping brides design and create their dream weddings. I shared what we do at the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, and invited brides, grooms, and all couples to take advantage of our free skills-based, relationship-enriching Forever. For Real. workshops! I'm looking forward to meeting more brides and spending more time with this sincere, giving group of wedding experts at future events.

I also met Cindy Morrison for the first time! She is such a lovely woman and a very dynamic speaker. She and I have been communicating on facebook and twitter for a while now! She spoke about her new book Girlfriends 2.0. I can't wait to get my copy! It's all about surrounding yourself with people you respect and admire.

Thank you to Bob Stinchomb of the Stinchomb Mansion, David Fowler, Michael Butler, and Michelle Gustafson for including me in something so wonderful and allowing me to share my message.

2010 Akdar Shrine Circus

With my escort Rick Grubb! He made me feel so welcome.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

At the Akdar Shrine Circus with a few of the clowns!
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

On February 25 & 26, I sang the national anthem at the Thursday evening, Friday midday, and Friday evening shows of the 2010 Akdar Shriner Circus. I had never been to the circus before! I loved seeing the various acts and animals! I visited with the man who gets shot out of a cannon. I also met lots of little girls, little boys, and circus clowns. Bobby and I even rode an elephant named Jasmine on Friday night! My mother-in-law Ada, and my brother- and sister-in-law Tom & Carla and their two year old son Tysen came to see the show on Friday night. Ty loved the big cats! Overall, we had a blast.

I also had the chance to chat with Tom Hufford, AKA Huffy the Clown AKA Marshal Tom, about appearing on his safety show later this month. Huffy is the one who thought of me and asked me if I'd like to sing at the circus. I ran into Steve & Carly from KBEZ (I feel like I see Steve everywhere!) as well as Scotty, Justin the Intern, and Nard from the Wylde Wake Up morning show on K-HITS (I'm starting to see them everywhere too!).

In the midst of all of that fun, my favorite part of the circus was talking to the Shriners about the work they do. They drive thousands of miles to bring children to the Shriners hospitals. They raise money so that the children and their families never have to pay a penny to receive the medical attention they need. Rick Grubb and Tommy Henshaw were among the many giving men who shared with Bobby and me what the Shriners and this annual circus is all about. Their clowns and the annual circus help brighten children's lives, and the ticket sales support the great work that the Shriners are doing. I heard from Rick that the circus was so popular this year, that they had to turn people away on Saturday! Bobby and I got a little teary as a we heard about their work. I'm not exactly sure how, but I'm hoping to help them to help children in the near future.

Here are a few fun photos from the circus!

Thank you to Oxygen, Inc. for providing
beautiful clothes for this event!

Thank you, Aspen!

At the end of February, a new fitness sponsor adopted me! Aspen Athletic Club at 61st Street & Memorial Drive has agreed to provide me with a free membership to their club until May. The facilities are huge, with plenty of cardio and strength training equipment, an indoor pool, a tanning area, a women's only training area, and a gorgeous lock room. They also offer over 60 classes each week, from yoag, pilates, and piyo to zumba, turbo kick, and some intense spinning classes. They definitely have something for everyone and plenty of variety to spice up your workout schedule! They are also open 24 hours, so no matter how busy my schedule gets, I know my gym is always open when I need to fit in a workout at an odd time. I'm thrilled to have their support and sponsorship, and I encourage all of my friends to check them out! If you're serious about making your health a priority, visit Aspen and they will help you meet your health & wellness goals!

With trainer Joe Del Valle of Aspen Athletic Club,
on the day that Aspen became my fitness sponsor.

Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Joe Del Valle has trained me twice, and I admit, he has made me work for it! There are only 38 days to go until the state pageant! While I don't expect to have the perfect body, I know that I'm going to look and feel my best on pageant weekend (and beyond!) because of the time I put in at Aspen. Thank you to my Joe and the entire Aspen team! I'm hoping (and working) to make Tulsa proud!

Miss Oklahoma Elita USA / Miss Sooner State American Coed double header pageant

At the judges' table at the Elite USA/ Miss Sooner State Coed Double Header Pageant. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

On February 21, I had the privilege of judging the Miss Oklahoma Elite USA & Miss Sooner State American Coed double header pageant. Contestants in a wide range of age divisions had the option of entering one of the state pageants or both at a discounted entry fee.

It was a great pageant! It was a tough competition. There were so many wonderful young ladies competing. Every one of them is a winner.

As a former "American Coed (ACP) girl", I was happy to see that Elite USA and American Coed share those wholesome, fun, family-oriented values that made me return to Patty Hawkin's state pageant year after year after year as a teenager. American Coed will always be my favorite pageant for girls and teens because of my years in the Miss Florida American Teen pageant. After attending this double header, hosted by Nicki Hale of Elite USA, I have to say that now Elite USA is a close second.

Nicki, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to get to know your organization! I know that your new titleholders will do a wonderful job representing Oklahoma, Elite USA, and American Coed Pageants in the coming year! I'd also like to thank Sarah Oh, at Oxygen, Inc. I got so many compliments on this dress! Thank you for making me look and feel like a queen.

With my fellow judges Wendy & Monique Bruner.
Wendy is a pageant mom and Monique is the Mrs. Plus America 2009.
Wardrobe sponsored by Oxygen.

With lovely Monique Bruner, Mrs. Plus America 2010.
She and I have a lot in common!
Marriage & family, our faith, and our careers in academia. :)

I finally met Amanda Kreshack! Amanda and I have been communicating online for years! It all began on the GoCoed forum on their website. She is a sweetheart and has been an amazing Miss Elite USA.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With my penpal & friend, Amanda Kreshack
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Toastmasters Leadership Institute

With Toastmaster's Leadership Institute trainer and Area Governor, Ron Olsen. His home chapter is Tulsa Club #148 and we both attend Church on the Move. Tulsa Club #148 is my home club as well and is the oldest Toastmasters chapter in Oklahoma. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

I had a great time at the Toastmaster's Leadership Institute (TLI) make-up session in the middle of February. TLI introduces the leadership roles within our organization, gives each person an opportunity to get to know members from other clubs, and trains officers in their roles, while giving us the chance to learn from each other. As the new VP Public Relations of our chapter, I learned a lot about public relations. I also had a great conversation with fellow Toastmaster Diane who works in public relations for a living. She had so much to offer in traditional public relations, while I have some knowledge of using the social media sites, so the two of us had a great exchange of ideas and information. Our club's VP Education, Mike Dobbs, was also in attendance! We had a great time and learned many leadership skills that will help us in our offices in Toastmasters and in the other leadership roles in our lives. I'm looking forward to implementing our ideas!

For more information about Toastmasters, visit www.Toastmasters.org. You can also click the following link to learn more about our club, Tulsa Club #148.

Here are a few more pictures from the event!

Ron & me
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Mike and me
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love Valentine's Day. I know people say it's too commercial, and to some extent that is true, but it is also the one day each year where couples are encouraged to show their affection for their partners. Because of that fact, it is one of my favorite holidays!

Bobby and I stayed in and made delicious Italian food, and then we watched a movie together! We made bruschetta, chicken parmagiana, and while we started to make tiramisu, we ruined the custard the first time, so we saved the task of making delicious tiramisu for a few days later!

I love my husband so much. Other than my relationship with God, meeting and marrying Bobby are the two very best things that have ever happened to me. He's brilliant, handsome, and funny. He's my best friend and he puts up with me. :) I do my best to be a good helper for him. Here are a few photos from our kitchen on Valentine's Day!

Bobby and me in our kitchen

Chef Bobby :)

Mmmm...Chicken Parmagiana

Whisking the custard for the tiramisu

Lasting Love in Owasso

With my co-leader Pat Johnston at the Lasting Love
Forever. For Real. one day workshop in Owasso.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Just in time for Valentine's Day, on February 13, I co-led a Forever. For Real. workshop with Pat Johnston at Stone Canyon Elementary School in Owasso. We had a great day! The couples participated a lot and I think we were successful in sharing the highlights of the curriculum in this one day event.

Forever. For Real. on February 6

With Liz Silva, OMI's Technical Assistance Coordinator
for workshop leaders in eastern Oklahoma
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With my friend Amanda Carter, OMI's Service Delivery Coordinator for the Tulsa area. Amanda helped me to get involved in the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative a few years ago! I'm so grateful.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With Jack Myrick, one of OMI's featured workshop leaders for the February 6 event. One of my favorite sections was his speech on expectations! Do your best to meet your spouse's most important expectations! Jack said, "Make him the king of your heart -- or someone else will." So true...Invest in your relationship and your partner! It will be worth it. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With Jack Myrick. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

On February 6, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative hosted our biggest event of the year! This Forever. For Real. event, for dating, engaged, or married couples, took place at four locations in Tulsa, Oklahoma City, and Norman. 1,918 people attended the event! We had about 600 in Tulsa alone. I coached couples at the Tulsa location at the Crowne Plaza downtown. The speakers get better every time I hear them! It was a great day. I also had the chance to share about supporting children after divorce and my new job as Executive Director of Blended Love. I gave out 30 business cards! There is so much interest in what we do to serve children from changing families.

If you missed it, not to worry! We have new workshops beginning all the time. Find a workshop that fits in your schedule at www.ForeverForReal.com.

Joy in Our Town Interview with Michelle Gustafson

With Michelle Gustafson on their beautiful set!
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.
Located on the lower level of the Promenade Mall, next to Macy's.

On February 5, I taped an interview with Michelle Gustafson for her KDOR-TV TBN show, Joy in Our Town. Michelle and I spoke about strengthening marriage and supporting children after divorce. Michelle is so easy to talk to! The interview just flew by! I think we really shared a lot of good information that will help couples to nurture their marriages and help single parents and teachers support children after divorce. As soon as I know the airdate, I'll let everyone know! Thank you, Michelle, for giving me this opportunity!