Being Mrs. Oklahoma is All About ...

Many people have asked me lately, "What is Mrs. Oklahoma all about?" These are people in the community, potential contestants and even some pageant skeptics who don't understand what I'm doing and why. I thought I'd post what I believe it takes to win and what I believe being a titleholder is all about.

Yes, I competed in a pageant, and yes, there is an element of beauty to the competition. In evening wear and fitness, which account for 50% of the total score, contestants are judged on poise, physical fitness (including muscle tone and proportion), and grace. Many times people are shocked that the "most beautiful contestant," in their eyes, did not win. What these people are forgetting is (1) beauty (or poise, or proportion) is subjective and (2) that the other 50% of the final score comes from private interview, and that interview is based on a community service platform. In other words, the interview is primarily based on what the woman sets out to accomplish during her year of service, her ability to persuade others and communicate her message. I believe that I won the Mrs. Oklahoma title because of my passion for my platform, my action plan for making a difference in Oklahoma, and because I was also well-rounded in the other categories. This post is for the ladies who want to know what it is actually like being Mrs. Oklahoma. Here are my two cents.

WINNING
also known as
What are the judges looking for?

• The woman whom they feel most comfortable with.
  
• A woman who is natural (i.e. not fake).
  
• She is confident and comfortable in her own skin. This is reflected in interview as well as in her stage presence.
  
• A woman who has clearly set goals and accomplishments with regard to her platform.
  
• She is a proactive, persuasive woman who wants to make a difference and sees the title as a vehicle to better herself and reach her service goals.
  
• She is not necessarily the most beautiful contestant, but she takes pride in her appearance. She is well-groomed and makes flattering wardrobe choices.
  
• She is fit and makes health a priority.
  
• She puts other people at ease (including the judges), and she realizes that you can be Mrs. Oklahoma and Mrs. Congeniality.
  
• She is intelligent and articulate yet warm and approachable.
  
• She is chosen to be a spokesperson for the pageant and for her cause.
  
• Her job description is what she makes it -- it centers on her platform and the national platform, and the ability to represent her pageant and all of pageantry in a positive light.
  
• She knows her job description. She knows why she wants to serve as a titleholder and what she intends to do once she is the titleholder. She realizes that winning the title is an honor, but serving as Mrs. Oklahoma is a job. It is a fun job with many perks and many responsibilities, but it is a job just the same.
• She shares the values of the International organization which center on marriage, family and community service.
• For our organization, family and career obligations are always put first, so you can be as active or inactive a titleholder as you would like, although Mrs. Oklahoma is required to make at least one appearance per month.
  

MY YEAR SO FAR
also known as
What does my job entail?

As for me, I'm trying to be the best Mrs. Oklahoma that I can be by

1. Speaking to children about their families through classroom presentations, showing them tangibly that they are not alone and that there are ways to help themselves feel better after divorce.

2. Speaking to school principals, guidance counselors, child care providers, and clergy about options regarding divorce support groups for youth; in particular the Banana Splits program. Then I give them the tools to help establish new programs.


3. Preventing the problem before it starts as a relationship enrichment workshop leader for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, promoting OMI's programming, and teaching "Relationships 101", PREP-program highlights adapted for teens and young adults.

4. Supporting the national platform of Go Red for Women, teaching women about better heart health, joining the movement, and taking better care of my heart for myself and my family.

5. Speaking to children and youth through classroom presentations about self-esteem and goal-setting, overcoming obstacles, and leadership.

6. Appearing and supporting community events and programs related to children, families, and other causes that mean a lot to me, in an effort to bring greater enthusiasm and excitement for these causes. (Organizers typically like to have Mrs. Oklahoma's support.)

In order to accomplish these goals, I read the local periodicals (Oklahoma magazine, Tulsa People, Tulsa Kids) and contact event organizers to ask if I can be involved. I also contact school officials (for example, the director of counseling, superintendent of schools) about speaking in the schools and establishing new school-based programs. I promote my platform and the pageant via the blog, website, Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as the local media when appropriate. I receive and read "google alerts" about the Banana Splits program, children and divorce, and Oklahoma Marriage Initiative to keep abreast of the latest news regarding my platform. I design and order promotional materials at VistaPrint to hand out to children, teachers, counselors, and other potential volunteers about divorce support and divorce prevention.

When obstacles arose for my platform goals, I sought to overcome them. For example, the original Banana Splits leaders' manual included activities and a description of the program philosophy but left the lesson plans up to the group leader. Counselors and teachers found that writing lesson plans was too time-consuming with their other commitments. I addressed this by writing 12 lesson plans for the first 12 weeks of the program. They are easily adaptable to the specific group at the school and are ready to use so that volunteer group leaders can start quickly and make changes easily.

Hit the books

When I first became involved in the divorce support cause, I spent a lot of time doing library research about divorce and remarriage, the effects of divorce on children, and the efficacy of divorce support programs for youth and relationship enhancement workshops. I have read over 50 books on the topic and own about a dozen children's books about coping with parental divorce. I use these in the Banana Splits program. This is an excellent way to get to know your platform, and I highly suggest that aspiring titleholders spend some time in the library.

I continue to look for opportunities to promote my platform and speak to large audiences about the topics above. First and foremost, Mrs. Oklahoma is a spokesperson. As my friend Janitha posted on her myspace page, "Beauty captures attention, but personality (and substance) captures the heart." The sparkling tiara gets people's attention, but then you must have something worth-while to say. At the OMI event just a few weeks ago, a woman came up to me and shook my hand. She said, "You're more than just a pretty face," and I am very grateful for that. Mrs. Oklahoma International is always more than just a pretty face. Service is what our pageant is all about.

What about work, school, family, etc.?

As Mrs. Oklahoma, family and career always come first. For example, last semester, I completed my Master's report, which is basically the capstone project for the applied math master's degree at the University of Tulsa. I am proud to say that I completed this project, but I also devoted less time to promoting my platform and my Mrs. Oklahoma title when I was writing this paper and teaching classes at TU. I still participated in the Ms. Senior Oklahoma pageant, Macy's Shop for a Cause, a TU football game (as the national anthem vocalist), Catwalk for a Cause, a fundraiser for a nonprofit for single moms and Bartlesville Christmas parade, and had several meetings with principals about Banana Splits that semester, but I did not focus the time and energy on my platform that I am focusing on it in now. That is completely acceptable and preferred. The pageant leadership encourages us to prioritize our family and career above the service opportunities as Mrs. Oklahoma.

I admit, being Mrs. Oklahoma has been a lot of hard work for me, but it is also absolutely wonderful and very fulfilling. There were many days when the dishes weren't done immediately and the laundry started to pile up, but my husband has been extremely supportive at home, and he supports my desire to make a difference while I have that little bit of the spotlight that the title offers me. I have signed over 1000 autographs this year. I have had four radio interviews and three television interviews. I have spoken to over 800 people about my platform, and I have grown tremendously as a result. I have learned to balance my work, my family and social obligations, and my service to others while keeping my priorities and schedule in line with my values. I have also learned to calm my perfectionistic tendencies and forgive myself for not being able to do it all and do it all perfectly well. God doesn't expect perfection, and I don't expect perfection from other people, so I've learned to forgive myself, laugh at myself, do my best, and strive for excellence. I haven't lowered my standards. I have simply changed my attitude toward my imperfections.

Please realize that you don't have to be as active as I am. You can be as active or as inactive as your schedule, lifestyle, and priorities allow you, as long as you meet the minimum requirement. I have spoken with titleholders who chose to stay home with their children rather than make an appearance, and to me, those women have their priorities in exactly the right place. Families must always take priority. This is consistent with what Mrs. International stands for.

My husband woos Vice Presidential nominee
Governor Palin at the Tulsa State Fair! LOL

Earlier this year, I had an appearance on Friday, another on Saturday, and my husband's birthday on Sunday, the last day of the Tulsa State Fair. All Bobby wanted to do was to go to the fair and eat a corndog! (He had also had dental surgery recently and was looking forward to non-blended "real food"). I was supposed to grade a stack of exams and I was about half-way done. I could finish them on time at the expense of my husband's birthday, but there was no way I could go to the fair and finish the exams by 5 PM. My supervisor allowed me to grade the exams to be handed back on Wednesday rather than Monday. Family comes first. I will never live it down with this particular professor, but I still believe I made the right choice. Your year as Mrs. Oklahoma will be full of choices like this one, and I hope that you will always choose to do what is best for your family.

Being a Local Titleholder

Your year is what you make it. Serving as a local titleholder is your opportunity to practice being the state titleholder, so in addition to preparing for the interview competition, working on your fitness and choosing a gown that makes you feel like royalty, I encourage you to get out there and make a difference. Use your local title to promote your platform in the way you intend to use your state title. As you speak to youth, fine-tune your message, research your platform, discover unmet needs and attempt to meet them, you will become a better role model and spokesperson for your cause. Whether you take home the state title or not, you will have won.

Keeping this in mind, I wish you the best of luck on your journey, to not only win the title, but to become an amazing Mrs. Oklahoma (or Miss Oklahoma, or Miss Teen Oklahoma). Good luck and let your light shine!

Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise Your Father in heaven. - Matt. 5:16

All Work and No Play? Hardly!

After reading what I wrote above, I realized that while everything I wrote was true, it made being Mrs. Oklahoma sound like all work and no play! Yes, it is tough, but the media interviews, fashion shows, charity galas, the autograph signings for little children, classroom speaking engagements (which are a lot of fun at any school), letting little girls try on your crown, hula-hooping for fitness :) at the Tulsa Women's Living Expo, going to nationals and touring Chicago, and sharing a laugh, stories, and good times with the many new friends and contacts you meet as Mrs. Oklahoma are some of the many memories that will last a lifetime! The Oklahoma International pageant family is a sisterhood, and we have all become great friends even in the midst of competition.

Being Mrs. Oklahoma is hard work but I have laughed more and met more wonderful people this year because of my title. So...Is being Mrs. Oklahoma all work and no play? Hardly! Dressing up, being a goof-ball when appropriate :), and meeting wonderful people make the year not only fulfilling, but fun!