Update

Dear friends and family,
It's been a while since I updated my blog! I apologize. I've been making appearances as Mrs. Green Country, working hard for children of divorce through Blended Love, teaching calculus and differential equations at Tulsa Community College, and teaching marriage workshops for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. I also spend time with my friends and family, and spend a lot of time taking care of five dogs! (Does anyone want a 5-month-old black lab puppy? I have two little girls left and they are precious!) My point in writing all of this is that I've been really busy living life...I just haven't had time to write about it. I'm not sure what my plans are for this blog, but to be honest, I don't have time to make plans for the blog right now. I just have other priorities, priorities that I'm comfortable with.

I will say that things are going very, very well with Blended Love! The program development committee is working hard to produce the first in a series of online staff development courses for teachers. We've raised money, reduced the cost per student of the Change Agent Journal Program and will be able to serve in more schools this fall as a result. Right now, we're in the process of writing a case statement (so that we can make our case for responsible stewardship of potential donors' money) and we're gearing up to recruit volunteers. We have a wonderful board of directors and two passionate public servants in Monica and me -- but we have an enormous amount of work to do. We need the creativity, intelligence, passion, and dedication of a larger group of people to accomplish our goals. Knowing Tulsans, I'm confident that Blended Love will be able to find people with the heart to give of themselves for a group of children that can't speak for themselves.

I also got a new job at Tulsa Community College, as a "math instructional specialist" AKA the supervisor for the math & science laboratory. We help students by offering free tutoring and supplemental resources on the metro campus. I'm so excited about this job...It is a huge opportunity to serve students and leave a legacy. Quality education is so important. I feel that the students who want to learn should have the best resources available to help them. I start next week!

Well, that's my update on my life, at least in the world of work and service as a teacher and nonprofit leader. :) I'm keeping the family matters to myself these days, but I will say Bobby and the doggies are doing great! I continue to have a desire to serve as Mrs. America and help children and families all over the country. For now, I'm just focusing on Green Country.

I'll write again soon.
Thanks for reading and God bless you and your family.
Sasha

Mrs. Tulsa 2010 is Mrs. Green Country 2011!

I'm excited to announce that I've been selected to serve as Mrs. Green Country 2011!

It's going to be a great year! I have a wonderful new sponsor in Tulsa Gold & Gems. I've been invited to be a part of so many wonderful service projects and benefits for wonderful causes in the Tulsa area. Things with Blended Love are taking off faster and better than I could have ever imagined (thanks to my awesome Lord and Savior, a fabulously talented partner in Monica Epperson, and a brilliant, excited, passionate board of directors).

I find myself overusing the words "excited" and "wonderful", using far too many emoticons and using even more exclamation points. I'm bubbling over with joy at the things that God is doing for children of divorce, teachers, and families this year. Bobby and I have begun conversations about having a baby (not this year, but possibly next), and I have a very clear idea of God's plan for me now, although I don't know His timeline. While it was initially scary knowing so much (I was so afraid that I was going to ruin God's plan), God has been teaching me to rely on Him completely and trust Him more and more. It has been a challenge for me as a typical child of divorce but also very freeing to let go of my fears and rely completely on the Man in charge.

Regardless of what happens at the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant this January, I'm devoting myself to serving others, continuing my work with the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative & Kendall Whittier, Inc., and expanding the services and working with Monica on strategic planning for Blended Love. This is the season for service and growth. This season is about family and relationships. My Mrs. Green Country title is simply a vehicle that will allow me to further my mission and be a blessing to others.

While I still desire to be Mrs. America, I'm focusing more on the service that God created me for. I want to be the best Mrs. Green Country this region has ever had. I want to leave a legacy and be a blessing. Mrs. Oklahoma or not, I have complete faith that this is going to happen. Then, when I meet the state pageant judges on January 22, I am going to share my passion with them and see what happens.

I'd like to thank my wonderful husband Bobby Townsend, my fabulous friends & family, Spencer Fisher of Tulsa Gold & Gems, Gary & Ann Murphy and the fabulous team at New Day Media, Rachel Flint of Corinthian Fitness, Aspen Athletic Club at 61st & Memorial, Eddie Tillis and the Mr. Body Fat gang, Amy Moore of Men's Wearhouse, Ilquia Anderson, hair & make-up artist, Monica Epperson & the entire Blended Love board of directors, Amanda Carter, Kendy Cox, Liz Silva, and the entire team at the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative for your support and belief in me. I honestly wouldn't be able to compete without my generous sponsors. All of you remind me why I continue to compete.

Sometimes, the pageant world is far from pretty (a few ugly people can ruin the experience for so many), but when you have the opportunity to really make a difference and develop relationships that exceed your wildest expectations, the positives outweigh the negatives. I remember Nicole Johnson, Miss America 1999, speaking on stage at the Miss University of South Florida pageant about the $13 million she had raised for diabetes research -- and I still want to make a difference like that, 11 years later. I can't think of a better vehicle to spread my message of supporting children of divorce and strengthening marriage through relationship education than the title of Mrs. America. Thank you again for your support! God bless you and your families!

New blog!

Dear friends, I have created a new blog, a blog that focuses on supporting families & addressing divorce, and my thoughts and work as an advocate for children of divorce and an adult child of divorce. It's definitely a work in progress (I just started it). My goal is to provide a central location for articles about nurturing our marriages and supporting our most vulnerable citizens, our nation's children. I also hope to add to the chorus of adult voices who speak for the child of divorce.

I'm writing the friends & family newsletter for my supporters and closest loved ones, and I'm still available and interested in making appearances to support other important causes, such as the Ronald McDonald golf tournament in Claremore this Saturday. Please email me at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com if you'd like to be on my Mrs. Tulsa mailing list.

Life has taken a new turn. I'm living my dream. It's rarely an easy road but I have so much joy on the journey. I hope you'll follow my advocacy efforts, and read and comment on my marriage & family posts at FamilyMattersOK.wordpress.com. God bless you & your family!

Mrs. Oklahoma Evening Wear Competition

Here are some photos by Mrs. Oklahoma pageant photographer, Larry Wright, taken during the evening wear competition. I am wearing a gown that makes me feel like a queen, designed by Oklahoma's own Johnathan Kayne Gillespie of Project Runway fame. Johnathan has said that it's easy to make women look beautiful; it's his goal to make women feel beautiful. He definitely succeeded. With his gorgeous gown and his stunning choice for my earrings, and Ilquia Anderson's beautiful hair & make-up, I felt like I could be the next Mrs. America. Thank you so much for making me feel beautiful -- and thank you, Larry, for capturing that on film!

"Body By Aspen"

I wanted to thank Aspen Athletic Club for their generous fitness sponsorship for my year of service as Mrs. Tulsa. I can honestly say that I was in the best shape of my adult life at the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant, and I hope to be even more healthy and fit a year from now, when I compete for the state title again in 2011. Here are some photos by the official Mrs. Oklahoma pageant photographer, Larry Wright, that show just what a "body by Aspen" looks like!

Thank you so much to Rob, Jerry, Joe, and the entire Aspen team for helping me to uncover long-hidden muscle definition and increase my stamina and energy more than I ever thought possible. Thank you again for helping me get into the best shape of my life!

Aspen Athletic Club at 61st & Memorial

New Autograph Cards & 2011 Sponsorship Opportunities

Front side of the autograph card

Back side of the autograph card
All Images by Larry Wright, www.PhotoByLarry.com

I recently received my Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant photos from pageant photographer, Larry Wright, and used them to design my new autograph cards! I will be signing these at upcoming events on May 22, June 5, June 15, August 7, and September 11, or until they run out!

Let me know if you or anyone you know would like to support me in my goal of serving the state and then the country as Mrs. Oklahoma and Mrs. America! Sponsors receive advertising on my website, blog, and social networking sites; advertisement on my autograph cards and friends & family newsletter; and any other benefits that we agree to, such as an autograph signing at your place of business or my services as a spokesmodel in commercials for your company. Let me know as soon as possible if you would like to be listed on my next set of autograph cards.

I am currently seeking monetary sponsors to help with my 2011 entry fee and pageant expenses, as well as those sponsors who would like to donate use of products and services, in exchange for advertising. I do everything I can to make the relationship mutually beneficial. It is very important to me that both parties feel comfortable with our agreement; you can change the sponsorship agreement at any time if you find it isn't working out for you.

Email me at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com if you or someone you know would like to support my dream and efforts to support couples, children, and families throughout the country as Mrs. America 2011.

May 2010 Newsletter

Hello, everyone! Last month I began publishing a newsletter for family & friends. I will continue to update my blog with posts about supporting families and addressing divorce, but I will leave most of the personal messages for the friends & family newsletter. Send me an email at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com if you'd like to be a part of the mailing list. Many blessings!

Click Here To View The Newsletter

Update

Dear family and friends,
The weeks since the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant have flown by!

We have lots of new developments with Blended Love that have been keeping Monica and me very busy and focused (These developments will be announced more formally very soon!). I finished up a semester of teaching trigonometry at TCC. I have continued my work with the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. While I'm still busy (and I love it), I have enjoyed a much needed break! I also took a part-time job for a few hours per week at the Emerald Emporium, which is a deli located in the Park Centre building downtown; judged the Oklahoma Fabulous Faces pageant (the little ones were sooo precious!); spoke for a few minutes at the Tulsa Forever. For Real. one day event for engaged couples (thanks, Amanda, for giving me a few minutes to share my passion, mission, vision, and resources), and I'm getting ready for a few more events and speaking engagements in the coming months...as Mrs. Tulsa, the executive director of Blended Love, ambassador for OMI, and as a friend and family member. I'll be signing autographs next weekend at a golf tournament benefit for the Ronald McDonald house! Please visit the link to register!

Bobby and I are doing well! Bobby is working very hard as always, and we're both working towards our goals and dreams at a slow-but-steady pace. I've probably had one too many mint oreos since the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant, but I have kept up my pageant workouts, so I'm confident that my commitment to health and wellness is here to stay. I returned to Toastmasters two weeks ago and won the Best Speaker award last Monday for a speech titled, Nurturing Commitment.

My sister Jade was in town for the pageant. We had a great time! It had been years since we had seen each other, although we typically talk on the phone a few times per week. I miss her so much. I am so proud of her for the woman she has become and the mother she is to my nephew Michael and my niece Ella.

I also visited my dad last Friday and we had a very nice visit.

Saturday, Bobby made an Elmo cake for our nephew Tysen's 2nd birthday party! We had so much fun. Carla and Tom did a lovely job planning the party for their son. Tysen is just such a good boy. He blew on the cake when the candle was lit. He said, "Elmo, hot!" Then Ty was so concerned when we cut the cake into pieces. I had been reading about child development for my work on the training manuals for Blended Love. I remembered reading that children in Tysen's age group can't tell the difference between a shoe and a picture of a shoe. He really thought we were cutting up Elmo! Then we brought him his stuffed animal and he felt a little better, although he did look back and forth from the cake to the Elmo doll a few times. It's so neat to watch him learning. His young mind is a sponge. And he's such a compassionate little boy, so good-natured. I can't wait until Bobby and I feel ready to have a baby of our own. Until then, I'll just have to nurture our doggies! It will all happen in God's time.

Yesterday, I attended Asbury United Methodist Church, and heard a beautiful sermon on motherhood. Then, when Bobby finished up at work, we took our mother-in-law Ada out to Olive Garden. We had a really nice time, great conversation. I called my mom and sent texts to all of my mommy-friends. :) I got a few texts myself, because of the doggies, which I thought was sweet. Overall, we had a very nice day, even though I missed my mom.

I'm continuing to serve as Mrs. Tulsa until the end of the summer. I'm not 100% sure about competing again in 2011, but I do hope to compete. I have to discuss it with Bobby and pray about it, but I do hope to compete again because the Mrs. America title would be the perfect platform to share the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative model with state legislatures around the country. I believe that marriage and relationship education should be easily accessible and widely available. I also believe that every child should have access to guidance and support after family change, and parents and teachers are seeking information to help their children. They are seeking information that just isn't there right now. The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and Blended Love are working to change that. We believe in education. We believe that knowledge is power, and that individuals, armed with compassionate hearts and good information, will make choices and small changes to improve their lives, shaping their families and relationships.

As Americans, we say that family matters, that family comes first, and the majority of us believe it. I think we ought to show it. We ought to invest in this institution of family. This is something that transcends political and religious affiliations, and the other cultures and subcultures that make our country diverse, rich, and interesting. This is something we all have in common. We all know that family matters. I want to strengthen families... and I want to enlist the help of everyone who agrees with me. Our differences are our strengths. :) We cannot do it alone, but together, and with God's help and blessing, we can change our little corner of the world, one couple and one family at a time.

I'll post pictures soon!
God bless you and your family!
Sasha

The Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant

Hi everyone! I had an amazing time at the Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant this weekend. Alyssa Baldwin Siler is the new Mrs. Oklahoma! I couldn't be happier for her! The competition was incredible. It was such a competitive year. Tracy and her team produced an excellent pageant. It was clear from the moment I decided to compete that Tracy loves her contestants and wants each of them to do their personal best as public servants and contestants at the state and national and possible international pageants of Mrs. Oklahoma, Mrs. America, and Mrs. World.

Mrs. Oklahoma 2009 Heather Rouba has left an incedible legacy. She left a legacy of service to others, through her platform of strengthening marriage and family, through her service and message to the women of Oklahoma, and her dedication to the contestants and leadership of the Mrs. Oklahoma America organization. She is also a gorgeous, fashion-forward, health-conscious, creative, talented, determined, community-minded, extremely efficient woman of faith. She is always learning and she is very observant. She made over 250 appearances I believe (I'm quoting this from another person. I may be wrong...). In addition to making appearances and serving others through OMI, Smart Singles, and the women's ministry at her church, she assisted Tracy with the recruitment of a group of beautiful, fit, articulate, service-minded women I competed with this weekend and connected many sponsors with the Mrs. Oklahoma program. She set a very high standard for what it means to be Mrs. Oklahoma. From my interactions with Alyssa this weekend, I know that with Alyssa as our own Mrs. Oklahoma, the pageant, the caliber of contestants, the involvement with OK Mozart and our personal platforms, will only improve! The Mrs. Oklahoma program will continue to grow and the organization and its contributions will be better a year from now than they are today.

As for the competition itself, as I said, these women were incredible! Among the group of 19, there were easily more than ten of us who could have made the top ten. This was a group of go-getters as I have never seen before at a pageant, (and many of you know that I have competed in many pageants over the years). These women had great abs(!!!), and incredible service records, and impressive resumes. They were also genuine and kind. They thought of every detail. They have such good hearts! I believe that every contestant sold at least one ad page, which is a testimony to the fact that these women are as proactive and dedicated as they are beautiful. The women I competed with this weekend were all very different, but each person had something wonderful to offer. I can honestly say I made many, many great new friends. These are women that I admire and respect. Although I'm not Mrs. Oklahoma 2010, I feel that I have won. :)

I was honored to make the top ten. I also earned the Ambassador Award, which is given to the contestant who makes the most appearances with her local title, and the Contestant's Choice award. Contestant's Choice was a huge honor, because the contestants were asked to select the person they hoped would win (if it couldn't be them). I devoted the last eight months to serving Tulsa. I made many appearances, with the majority related to my platform of supporting families & addressing divorce. My service efforts, new relationships, my job with Blended Love, the commitment I made to health & fitness and developing my speaking skills...these things have forever changed me. In the past eight months, I have seen that anyone, at any time, in any financial situation, can make their dreams come true by striving to achieve a goal and contributing their talents and strengths and passion to their local community.

I believe God has many purposes for each of us, and addressing the divorce issue is one of mine. Everything I learned in the pursuit of becoming Mrs. Oklahoma has helped me to step out of my comfort zone and develop myself, so that I can give of myself. Self-centered personal development isn't what Mrs. Oklahoma is about. It is personal development for a purpose; its personal development so that you can serve and share God's love with others.

I want to thank Tracy Crist for giving all of us this opportunity to serve and to grow. Alyssa, Bobby and I were both impressed with the way you handled the "number" situation in the lobby of the Sleep Inn! You are smart and resourceful. You took initiative. You're a problem solver. CF is such an important cause. I also loved talking to you in the wings in our little "clump". I can't wait to follow your year! You are already an outstanding Mrs. Oklahoma. Heather, thank you for your leadership, friendship and example. You have shown us what it means to be Mrs. Oklahoma! I love you! To my fellow contestants, I admire and respect every one of you, and I mean Every One. Please stay in touch!

I want to thank my handsome husband Bobby for supporting me in my desire to serve our state as Mrs. Oklahoma. I am so blessed to be yours. :) You make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. It is your belief in me that helped me to believe in myself. I love you! Jade, thank you for traveling all the way from Florida to experience this with me! I love you! Ilquia, I love you, girl! I'm so glad to know you and to be your friend. You made me look so beautiful! Thank you!

Today, I find myself remembering that all things happen for a reason. Competition in pageantry is about the journey, not the destination. Being a titleholder is never about you; it's always about serving others. Every opportunity you embrace to do good brings you one step closer to being the person God created you to be. If you make a commitment, follow through. If you do your best, you've won. Today, while I know that I have much more to learn, I know I'm a child of God; I'm grateful for this experience; I feel like a winner. :)

I would like to thank my sponsors. My pageant participation wouldn't be possible without the generosity and kindness of these wonderful business people. Please patronize these business owners and find them on facebook!

*Ilquia Gonzalez Anderson, who provided my hair & make-up (I love you, Ilquia!!)

*Dr. Lauren Whenry, my dentist, who provided free in-office teeth whitening and an at-home touch up kit (My smile as never been so white! Thank you!);

*Oxygen, Inc., who provided a beautiful appearance wardrobe (You have made me look and feel beautiful for months! Thank you so much!);

*Amanda Carter, Kendy Cox, and the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, who sponsored my platform ad page for the program book. Thank you for giving me opportunities to support our mutual cause! I'm so grateful to be a part of the work of OMI.

*New Day Media & Gary Murphy, who provided my iFace video and public service announcements for OMI & Forever. For Real. Thank you for believing in me! You are awesome!

*Aspen Athletic Club, who provided me with a free membership through June 30 (I've never been so fit! Thanks!)

*Wendy Mutz, who provided my Mrs. Tulsa promotional photos (I adore my photos, Wendy! Thank you! Also, thank you for the Just Chill drinks for all of the contestants!);

*My friends and family, who donated money so that I could pay for my alterations. Thank you so much! I felt like a queen in my gown. Your support means more than you know.

*Monica Epperson & Blended Love, for giving me the opportunity to live my dream.

Forgiving the Little Things...

Happy couples forgive the little things easily. In other words, they give their partners the benefit of the doubt. Forgiving the little things is a willingness to cut your partner some slack when he makes small mistakes, including those moments when he isn't being particularly polite or sensitive. This doesn't mean that you are excusing bad behavior or even being silent about it. It does mean that you're able to look past small mistakes and able to remember that your partner is still a good person.

If you're having trouble forgiving the little things, try these attitude adjustments:

1. Consider the circumstances, rather than blaming your partner. When we make mistakes, we have a tendency to blame extenuating circumstances. When others make mistakes, we tend to attribute the mistake to a character flaw. For the small mistakes, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If your partner is in a bad mood, consider the possibility that he or she may be upset about something that he or she feels is important, or the possibility that your partner is ill, hungry, tired or overworked. Our relationships get into trouble when we begin to label our partners negatively. If you can empathize and remember that your partner is a good person, your relationship will be better for it.
   
2. Consider your own mood at the time. It's possible that you may be viewing the world more negatively because you are ill, hungry, tired or overworked, or upset about something important. Ask yourself, "If I was in a better mood, would I view this situation differently?"
3. Consider the possibility that conflict and negativity has been escalating for a while. Maybe your partner did hurt you on purpose, because you hurt him on purpose last week, and you hurt him on purpose last week because of some nasty comment he made the day before. Realize that your escalation is moving you farther and farther apart. It's not getting you anywhere and both of you are becoming less and less happy. Make a decision to end the cycle. Agree to a truce if possible. Even if your partner never knows you're doing it, if you begin to treat your partner with thoughtfulness and consideration, it is likely that, in time, he or she will respond in kind to you as well. This is easier said than done, I know, but it can be done. If you want your relationship to become more satisfying, you have to begin planting positivity. Over time, you'll very likely reap what you sow.
   

Update

Dear friends and family,
Life has been busy lately, as the Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant is less than two weeks away! I have pictures to post and entries to write, but I haven't had the time to update my blog lately. Thank you for continuing to read if you are reading this!

In the last few weeks, I have visited with Mrs. Mills' 5th grade class. I have been teaching Forever. For Real. on Monday evenings at St. Gregory's University and Thursday nights at Family & Children's Services on Peoria. I also taped a public service announcement for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative at New Day Media (I can't wait to post it!). I visited the Mrs. Missouri pageant and attended the Tulsa concert of OK Mozart's Spring Concert Tour. I've also been working on the developmental psychology component of the most recent revision to our training materials for Blended Love's teachers and volunteers. It has been exciting and fun, and I have met many wonderful and interesting people, including many who support my platform and want to help OMI and Blended Love. I have learned so much and look forward to writing about my experiences and the results of my research here.

I've also been taking care of the final details for Mrs. Oklahoma. I can't believe the pageant is only two weeks away! I'm not as fit as I would like to be, but I'm doing my best to prepare, focusing on my strengths, and keeping my values and beliefs in mind. I don't believe a contestant will win when she is trying to be someone she's not. I'm getting ready to share my heart with the judges, contestants, and staff, and keeping everything in perspective. God's will be done! All things happen for a reason, and all things work together for good for those who love Him. I'm ready for whatever He has in store for me, and I'm looking forward to spending time with my amazing fellow contestants and our husbands, and enjoying our state pageant experience.

I better run now! I'm so sleepy. Thank you for reading. I will post more pictures, journal entries about my latest appearances, and articles soon.

Good night, friends!

Hair & Make-Up by Ilquia

On March 13, I drove to Oklahoma City to take photos for Ilquia's hair and make-up advertisement for the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant program book. The talented April Brock of Brock's Photography took these beautiful photos. Thank you both! I'd also like to thank Sarah Oh and Oxygen, Inc., for providing my wardrobe. It get so many compliments because of the three of you! You make me feel like a queen! Here are a few photos from the shoot.

Forever. For Real. on March 11

On March 11, I began a Forever. For Real. workshop series with co-leader Pastor Rick Tabisz, of King Of Kings Lutheran Church in Glenpool, at Family & Children's Services on Peoria. Rick is an excellent speaker and a great asset for couples. He truly has a heart for service and works to make every couple feel comfortable and welcome at our workshop. I think we compliment each other well. I enjoy working with him very much!

That evening, Rick and I spent some time getting to know you couples and allowing the couples to get to know each other. Rick gave an overview of the curriculum and I taught my favorite lesson, on the four communication danger signs and the time out technique. I enjoy teaching this every time! I am very much looking forward to the rest of the series.

Forever. For Real. on March 8

On March 8, I hosted the first of seven workshops in an OMI Forever. For Real. workshop series at St. Gregory's University. We have a very diverse group, with a few engaged couples, a few couples that have been married between five and ten years, and a couple of couples whose children recently left home. Everyone said they were interested in keeping the spark alive (or reigniting that spark now that the kids are gone). The couples also said that they wanted to communicate better.

In our first week, we spent some time getting to know each other, discussing our expectations and perceptions about what relationships are like today, and then we learned the four communication danger signs and the time-out technique.

As I was teaching the four communication danger signs, I could see light bulbs going off as the workshop attendees began to recognize the habits of communication that were damaging their relationships. These danger signs erode the positives, especially our sense of emotional safety, in the relationship over time.

Emotional safety is the freedom
to really be yourself with someone.

It's virtually impossible to feel safe and to be able to connect with someone when you are walking on eggshells, when you are feeling unappreciated, disrespected, and undervalued, and when you fear being vulnerable with your mate because your partner may use that vulnerability against you in the future. These feelings are consequences of the negative communication patterns we call the danger signs.

Then, I offered our couples at least a temporary solution: We discussed time-out. When we recognize the danger signs, it's time to call a time out. Then, we do something to cool off, and have a time-in to discuss the issue at hand within 24 hours.

I love teaching this material because it really helped me to understand what a healthy relationship looks like, and how wonderful relationships can be if we take the time to learn to manage negatives well while nurturing the positive aspects of the relationship. I'll write more about the rest of our workshop series in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

To learn more about the communication danger signs and the time-out technique, and to find a free relationship workshop near you, visit the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online. Forever really can be For Real!

Visit with Johnathan Kayne

On the evening of March 5, I had my final fitting for my evening gown with creative genius Johnathan Kayne of Project Runway fame, and my very sweet, multi-talented hair and make-up artist/jewelry designer/friend Ilquia. Ilquia has been a fan of Johnathan since Project Runway. I was delighted to be able to introduce them!

Johnathan Kayne Gillespie

Last fall, I contacted Sharon at Johnathan's office about getting an evening gown. I listened to Johnathan's interview with Valerie Hayes. It stuck with me that he said his goal is to make women feel beautiful, and that he felt he could do that at a very low price point (which is necessary for me, given that I've spent the past six years as a student, graduate student, teaching assistant and now nonprofit director and math instructor). Like any pageant contestant, I just wanted to feel like a queen -- without having to go into debt for it. I found a gorgeous gown within my price range in his 2010 collection, and I have be honest, it makes me feel like I could be the next Mrs. America. :) With Johnathan's gown, Ilquia's gorgeous hair & make-up styling (I'll post pictures after the event!), and the faith and perspective to simply be myself and share who I am with the judges, I am confident that I will leave the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant with no regrets, with or without a crown, as Mrs. Oklahoma or as Mrs. Bobby Townsend. Thank you, to both Johnathan and Ilquia, for making a pretty girl feel absolutely beautiful.

My fabulous hair & make-up artist, Ilquia

Visit Johnathan Kayne's website and Ilquia's facebook page for more information about these fabulous people and the services they offer. They love what they do and are the kinds of genuine, open people that everyone wants to do business with.

Some neat trivia about Johnathan:
According to Wikipedia, while appearing on Project Runway, Johnathan won the "Fit for a Queen" challenge that required designers to create an evening gown for Miss USA Tara Conner to wear in the Miss Universe pageant. Tara went on to be placed fourth runner up in the Miss Universe pageant wearing her custom made dress.

Within My Reach Training

On March 3 through 5, I attended the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's workshop leader training for Within My Reach, which is OMI's singles curriculum. This curriculum was created by the same researchers from the University of Denver who created the couples curriculum (PREP) that we use at our Forever. For Real. workshops. I learned a lot from our trainers, Bob Davis, Jack Myrick, and Scott Roby, as well as my fellow trainees.

Within My Reach is the curriculum used in our Smart Singles workshops.

While much of the material is the same as that which we teach to couples, the Within My Reach curriculum is unique in that we discuss

• the decision to live together,
• problem behaviors in a potential mate,
  
• the seven principals of smart love (or how to choose a good partner),
• identifying an unsafe relationship (and how to get help so that you can exit it safely),
  
• stepfamilies and coparenting, and
• setting goals for our relationships.

This curriculum is a great fit for many of the parents of the children we serve through Blended Love, as well as the students and teachers at Tulsa Community College. I look forward to leading both the Smart Singles workshops and the Forever. For Real. workshops with the populations I see most often. There is so much to learn about relationships. I have faith that our thirst for knowledge and thirst for community and closeness will draw individuals to attend our free classes. The classes cost you nothing. We ask for an investment of your time. I believe that the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's free relationship education workshops can help those who want to build better relationships to do just that.

Whether you are single or attached, you can find a workshop near you by visiting the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online. When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

Family Matters

On March 1, I presented an excerpt of this speech, titled Family Matters: Making the Case for Advocacy for Children of Divorce, to Toastmasters Tulsa Club #148. I accumulated these results through research over the course of many years. This presentation examines how divorce impacts children and families. I offered four action steps for those in attendance.

Adults, we must

1.) educate ourselves about the problem, its impacts, and the special needs of children after divorce.

2.) meet the child's special needs. These needs vary based on the child's development, temperament, and personality, but we can safely say that all children need stability, security, emotional support and guidance, and examples of healthy relationships, healthy communication and conflict-resolution, and healthy coping skills.

3.) volunteer to work with children. Children need available, dependable, positive people in their lives. Be positive role model and become a mentor. If this cause is on your heart, send me an email at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com, to apply to become a volunteer with Blended Love, a nonprofit that seeks to help children after divorce.

4.) request divorce support programming for students at your school.

Left unaddressed, divorce has a huge impact on the trajectory of a child's life, but we know that it doesn't have to be that way. If not for your children, request programming for the children of others. As adults, we know that what happens at home impacts all areas of our lives; every child should be equipped to cope positively. These impacts cannot and should not be ignored. Family matters.

Family Matters

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My Wedding Extravaganza

On February 28, I had a great day at My Wedding Extravaganza! I met wonderful vendors and a few very excited brides-to-be that day! Everyone had the best interest of the brides at heart and was sincerely interested in helping brides design and create their dream weddings. I shared what we do at the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, and invited brides, grooms, and all couples to take advantage of our free skills-based, relationship-enriching Forever. For Real. workshops! I'm looking forward to meeting more brides and spending more time with this sincere, giving group of wedding experts at future events.

I also met Cindy Morrison for the first time! She is such a lovely woman and a very dynamic speaker. She and I have been communicating on facebook and twitter for a while now! She spoke about her new book Girlfriends 2.0. I can't wait to get my copy! It's all about surrounding yourself with people you respect and admire.

Thank you to Bob Stinchomb of the Stinchomb Mansion, David Fowler, Michael Butler, and Michelle Gustafson for including me in something so wonderful and allowing me to share my message.

2010 Akdar Shrine Circus

With my escort Rick Grubb! He made me feel so welcome.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

At the Akdar Shrine Circus with a few of the clowns!
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

On February 25 & 26, I sang the national anthem at the Thursday evening, Friday midday, and Friday evening shows of the 2010 Akdar Shriner Circus. I had never been to the circus before! I loved seeing the various acts and animals! I visited with the man who gets shot out of a cannon. I also met lots of little girls, little boys, and circus clowns. Bobby and I even rode an elephant named Jasmine on Friday night! My mother-in-law Ada, and my brother- and sister-in-law Tom & Carla and their two year old son Tysen came to see the show on Friday night. Ty loved the big cats! Overall, we had a blast.

I also had the chance to chat with Tom Hufford, AKA Huffy the Clown AKA Marshal Tom, about appearing on his safety show later this month. Huffy is the one who thought of me and asked me if I'd like to sing at the circus. I ran into Steve & Carly from KBEZ (I feel like I see Steve everywhere!) as well as Scotty, Justin the Intern, and Nard from the Wylde Wake Up morning show on K-HITS (I'm starting to see them everywhere too!).

In the midst of all of that fun, my favorite part of the circus was talking to the Shriners about the work they do. They drive thousands of miles to bring children to the Shriners hospitals. They raise money so that the children and their families never have to pay a penny to receive the medical attention they need. Rick Grubb and Tommy Henshaw were among the many giving men who shared with Bobby and me what the Shriners and this annual circus is all about. Their clowns and the annual circus help brighten children's lives, and the ticket sales support the great work that the Shriners are doing. I heard from Rick that the circus was so popular this year, that they had to turn people away on Saturday! Bobby and I got a little teary as a we heard about their work. I'm not exactly sure how, but I'm hoping to help them to help children in the near future.

Here are a few fun photos from the circus!

Thank you to Oxygen, Inc. for providing
beautiful clothes for this event!

Thank you, Aspen!

At the end of February, a new fitness sponsor adopted me! Aspen Athletic Club at 61st Street & Memorial Drive has agreed to provide me with a free membership to their club until May. The facilities are huge, with plenty of cardio and strength training equipment, an indoor pool, a tanning area, a women's only training area, and a gorgeous lock room. They also offer over 60 classes each week, from yoag, pilates, and piyo to zumba, turbo kick, and some intense spinning classes. They definitely have something for everyone and plenty of variety to spice up your workout schedule! They are also open 24 hours, so no matter how busy my schedule gets, I know my gym is always open when I need to fit in a workout at an odd time. I'm thrilled to have their support and sponsorship, and I encourage all of my friends to check them out! If you're serious about making your health a priority, visit Aspen and they will help you meet your health & wellness goals!

With trainer Joe Del Valle of Aspen Athletic Club,
on the day that Aspen became my fitness sponsor.

Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Joe Del Valle has trained me twice, and I admit, he has made me work for it! There are only 38 days to go until the state pageant! While I don't expect to have the perfect body, I know that I'm going to look and feel my best on pageant weekend (and beyond!) because of the time I put in at Aspen. Thank you to my Joe and the entire Aspen team! I'm hoping (and working) to make Tulsa proud!