Forever. For Real. on March 8

On March 8, I hosted the first of seven workshops in an OMI Forever. For Real. workshop series at St. Gregory's University. We have a very diverse group, with a few engaged couples, a few couples that have been married between five and ten years, and a couple of couples whose children recently left home. Everyone said they were interested in keeping the spark alive (or reigniting that spark now that the kids are gone). The couples also said that they wanted to communicate better.

In our first week, we spent some time getting to know each other, discussing our expectations and perceptions about what relationships are like today, and then we learned the four communication danger signs and the time-out technique.

As I was teaching the four communication danger signs, I could see light bulbs going off as the workshop attendees began to recognize the habits of communication that were damaging their relationships. These danger signs erode the positives, especially our sense of emotional safety, in the relationship over time.

Emotional safety is the freedom
to really be yourself with someone.

It's virtually impossible to feel safe and to be able to connect with someone when you are walking on eggshells, when you are feeling unappreciated, disrespected, and undervalued, and when you fear being vulnerable with your mate because your partner may use that vulnerability against you in the future. These feelings are consequences of the negative communication patterns we call the danger signs.

Then, I offered our couples at least a temporary solution: We discussed time-out. When we recognize the danger signs, it's time to call a time out. Then, we do something to cool off, and have a time-in to discuss the issue at hand within 24 hours.

I love teaching this material because it really helped me to understand what a healthy relationship looks like, and how wonderful relationships can be if we take the time to learn to manage negatives well while nurturing the positive aspects of the relationship. I'll write more about the rest of our workshop series in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

To learn more about the communication danger signs and the time-out technique, and to find a free relationship workshop near you, visit the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online. Forever really can be For Real!