I'm giving up my crown this weekend!

My year as Mrs. Oklahoma International has been challenging and exciting. It has been exhausting at times, but it has been absolutely worth it. I have juggled a hectic schedule and I have learned a lot about this great state and her people. I have also learned a lot about myself, the person I am and the person I am becoming.

So...plans for the future? I have been asked by many if I will be competing in another pageant soon and what I will do next. It's almost hard to imagine having nothing to do, but soon I'll finish graduate school and give up my title. These events will happen within weeks of each other. I'll go from a crazy schedule with innumerable (I suppose they are actually infinitely countable -- that's a math joke -- Never mind.) responsibilities to a single part-time adjunct position at Tulsa Community College. Honestly, I am looking forward to the future and praying about God's purpose for me. Shall I finish my Ph. D.? Shall Bobby and I become parents? Shall I teach at the junior college or high school levels for a while? I don't know.

I do know that I'm going to read the Madame Curie and Ronald Reagan biographies that I've been wanting to finish for quite a while, and truth be told, I'm going to curl up with a cup of tea and my topology book, and reread and rework the problems that were assigned this semester -- just for fun -- this summer. :) Learning math is like discovering uncharted territory. It's always exciting and I always enjoy it. It gives me the same feelings that Shakespeare and Dickens give me. I'm also going to teach differential equations and calculus I (one) this summer at Tulsa Community College, and continue to volunteer on behalf of causes that mean the world to me and speak to youth, although not as often as I have this year as Mrs. Oklahoma. I'm going to pray and try to find out what my purpose is. I know I love higher math, and I love working with young people, so I'm sure that God will reveal the path that is best for Bobby, me and our future family, and I know that math and mentoring will be in it, but I'm not sure how.

As for another pageant, who knows what the future holds? I'm definitely looking in that direction but my concerns are much more in the present moment. Please know that my platform work for strengthening marriage and families and supporting children after divorce will always be close to my heart and always among my top priorities.

Good luck, Mrs. Oklahoma 2009! This is going to be a demanding, challenging, exciting year, full of countless enriching experiences and people...You're going to love it! Good luck to all of the contestants -- See you at the hotel tomorrow night!

With love and gratitude,
Mrs. Oklahoma International 2008,
Sasha Marie Townsend

Inspiration

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Heather Rouba won Mrs. Oklahoma America!

My friend Heather Rouba was honored with the title of Mrs. Oklahoma America 2009 last night!

Heather contacted me a few months ago with questions about being Mrs. Oklahoma and about my platform of divorce support and divorce prevention. It turns out that we had had similar experiences: Both of us are adult children of divorce who were profoundly affected by our parents' decision. Heather will spend her year promoting her platform of Strengthening Marriage & Family as Mrs. Oklahoma America 2009, as well as Mrs. America's national platform of supporting music education. I am very proud of Heather, not only for her accomplishment last night, but also because I know that she will accomplish great things this year with the title, make Oklahoma proud, and represent all of the women in pageantry in a positive light. I have had the chance to get to know Heather and I look forward to hearing more about her year.

There are many wonderful pageants available for married women, especially in Oklahoma. I feel fortunate that Mrs. Oklahoma International, Mrs. Oklahoma America, and Mrs. Oklahoma United States all have excellent leadership, providing opportunities for married women to better themselves and make a difference.

One week from today, I will help Mr. Oklahoma 2009 crown my successor at the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant. It has been a wonderful year, so ending it will be bittersweet, but I am thrilled at the chance to welcome a new woman to our sisterhood and share with her all of the wonderful experiences of being Mrs. Oklahoma!

Congrats Heather and Mrs. OK International delegates, I will see you on Friday night!

On Wednesday, our family experienced a great loss. My husband's father, Robert Willsie Townsend, Sr. passed away on Wednesday. Thank you so much to all who have sent their prayers and thoughts to our family.

Last night, I sang the national anthem at the Tulsa Drillers Opening Game. It went well, but it was bittersweet. Bobby, his brothers Tom and Dave, Bobby's best friend Ryan, my sister-in-law Carla and our precious nephew Ty came out to support me and the Tulsa Drillers. It was a welcome change of pace from the rest of the day's events. The guys got their minds off of their loss, had a few beers, and were able to enjoy the game together.

Robert was a lifelong athlete and a big sports fan, and he was very patriotic, as American as it gets. I thought of him while I was singing. The entire scenario -- Mrs. Oklahoma singing the national anthem at a Tulsa baseball game -- It doesn't get much more American than that. We all miss him very much.

Thank you Cheryl Northness of the Tulsa Drillers for arranging this event (Cheryl began planning my appearance almost a year ago) and for the photos of me singing, and thank you for the photo, Hornsby!

National Start! Walking Day

Wednesday, April 8th is National Start Walking day.
Wear your Sneakers to work and take a 30 minute walk for your health.

• Register today for the 2009 Tulsa Start! Heart Walk.
  
• Are you on Facebook? Show your support for National Start! Walking Day. Click here for more information.
  
• Ask your Friends and Family to support you with a donation as we attempt to raise $1 Million nationally on National Start! Walking Day.

The Mrs. International organization is a proud partner of the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women movement, promoting heart healthy lifestyles and education. Get moving, and join the movement today!

Leadership 101 at Stillwater Middle School

Mrs. Smiths' 6th period leadership class

Mrs. Smiths' 5th period leadership class

I had a wonderful day today with three classes of middle school students in Ms. Erica Burns' and Mrs. Robin Smiths' classrooms, and I had a great time! The students were very well behaved, listening attentively and participating when I asked them questions. I hope the students had as great a time as I had. :)

We had three very interactive sessions where I learned about these students' goals and dreams, their desires to make a difference in their immediate communities, and how they can take that vision and turn it into an action plan as leaders. Specifically, I spoke about inclusion - including everyone because everyone has something to offer - and using the collective strengths of a group to meet a common goal. We talked about being role models and inspiring others by example, about staying away from substance abuse and other bad behaviors, practicing good hygiene and health habits so that we're healthy and able to make a difference, and being faithful and dependable in the little things so that we can be trusted with more responsibility. If you want to be class president, you have to be faithful in doing your homework! If you want to babysit, you have dependable when it comes to cleaning your room! By being faithful in the little things and doing your very best with these smaller tasks, others see that you can be entrusted with larger tasks. You can be entrusted with the responsibility and honor of leading a group, whether that means becoming class president, a teacher, or president of the United States.

I also had several students ask about the pageant, and if I would be stripped of my title should I make bad choices. I explained that some women in pageantry do make bad choices and that can happen-- but that it wouldn't happen to me because I wouldn't make those choices. I should add here that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but a poor role model should not be in a position of leadership in my opinion. I talked about how I got started in pageants, and what the pageant is actually about. I also spoke about Mrs. International and how I arrange my schedule with regard to my private life and my "Mrs. Oklahoma" life. I sang the national anthem in one class (I may see a few students at the Tulsa Driller's game on April 16), and I spoke about the leadership role of Mrs. Oklahoma. I also talked about math, the math teacher who inspired me to pursue math (Mr. Pink, Blake High School's AP Calc teacher back in 1999-2000), and I agreed with one student that women can do everything that a man can do -- and similarly a man can do everything a woman can do. There is nothing wrong with a female pro-wrestler (the students were joking about that one) or a male ballet dancer. Everyone is free to be who they want to be.

I hope that the students learned what it really means to be a leader, at least by my definition. I gave them my definition, an adaptation of a definition given to me by interview coach Don Baker years ago:

Leadership is giving of yourself to inspire and help others, often in meeting a common goal.

• Leaders are motivated by giving, not taking.
  
• Leaders act on their beliefs (They don't simply talk about it -- they actually do something!).
• Leaders focus their attention on the people they want to help and the service they want to render, rather than focusing on themselves.
• Leaders are good role models, who see the best in people, and who recognize and act on opportunities to serve.
  
• Leaders take a vision and dream of a better future to the next level by inspiring others by example, including people of diverse backgrounds, strengths and weaknesses, and pooling those strengths to meet a common goal.

Of course, this is easier said than done, and one doesn't begin in a position of leadership. I see this often in pageantry and even in myself. We have lofty goals and lofty vision for the future, but we must have the humility to start small, build trust, skills, and a reputation of dependability, and over time we will become leaders of many people who make a measurable difference in the world. We can't expect to jump into a position of leadership without first showing that we are dependable. Hopefully, as our responsibilities increase, we remain confident yet humble, and remember to keep our eyes focused on giving, rather than what we receive in return or what labels we acquire as we serve in leadership positions. For me, my faith plays a huge part in this. I want to love God and love others by serving people and God Himself. It is my hope that the students were able to take away a few simple facts: that they are worthy, that they are special, and that by including everyone and seeing the best in people, they have the power to do great things, but they must do them together. No person can achieve greatness alone.

The students were sweet and attentive, and Ms. Burns and Mrs. Smith were welcoming and gracious. I hope the students learned something, and I hope to return to their school again soon!

The Power of Positive Thinking

"The most powerful tool you have is taking responsibility for how you think and what you focus on. What you think is what happens." --Patricia Moreno, founder, SatiLife.com

I read this quote recently and I thought about all of the ladies getting ready to put themselves out there in a few short weeks at the Oklahoma International Pageants. This quote inspired me to write about the power of positive thinking.

Many women in pageantry consider themselves perfectionists, myself included. This is not to say I'm perfect (I'm far from it, in fact!) but that I do want things to be just right. I am always satisfied when I do my very best. But when I make a mistake that was completely within my control, I get upset with myself. I have engaged in more than a little negative self-talk in my lifetime and I have been called a people-pleaser. A friend in the counseling field said I was more concerned with "human doing" than being a "human being." My response was, "How can you call yourself trustworthy if you don't behave in a trustworthy way?" Or "How can say that you are xyz adjective without doing something in life to support that?" Human doing. It wasn't until this year that I finally understood what she meant.

Most of us know that you can't measure your self-worth by your dress size or your bank account, but your accomplishments? That's a different story. Ladies, we can't measure our self-worth in accomplishments. We must recognize that we are valuable intrinsically and make our contributions to the world from this frame of reference. We are valuable without 10 years of volunteer and community leadership experience, and we are valuable without advanced degrees or exciting careers or pageant titles. From my faith, from my God, I understand that I'm valuable just the way I am. And I know you are valuable too.

This isn't to say that you shouldn't strive to achieve your dreams, your academic and career goals, and community service goals. Learning new things, working hard towards new success, and making lasting contributions to your community and your world are worthwhile activities. These activities connect people. These activities enrich your life. But ladies, please do not define yourselves by your resume.

As the quote at the top of this article states, we must take responsibility for how we think. We take responsibility for so many other things. I know I often take responsibility for things that I know I am not responsible for. We must take responsibility for how we think, especially during a pageant week or weekend.

You cannot allow yourself to compare yourself to the competition. You shouldn't assess them thinking, "Gosh, she's beautiful," or "Gosh, she's so much more accomplished than I am," or "Gosh, she's so well-spoken and I'm so inarticulate," or "Wow. She has a great wardrobe. My gown is so inadequate compared to hers." Don't compare your faces, your bodies, your personalities, your career accomplishments, your service accomplishments, or public speaking skills. Don't compare your husbands, your marriages, the lengths of these marriages or your age to anyone else.

Every woman is outstanding. Every woman (and man) has something to offer the world, and has something special to offer as Mrs., Miss, or Miss Teen Oklahoma International. Remember that "You are no better than anybody else, but you are just as good." You are unique and special and you have something to offer than no one else can offer, because you are uniquely yourself. And the other women have something to offer too.

Once you recognize both your own self-worth and that of others, you will be both humble and confident. You are free to be yourself, and free to engage those around you. You won't be either of the two extremes that sadden me when backstage at a pageant. I've heard one woman going on and on about how great she is, how many titles she has held, and how many pageants she has been in (ugh, gag me) and I've also overheard women saying, "Fix me! Do whatever it takes!" Honey, you don't need fixing! As for the first woman, to me self-absorption and arrogance have to be the most unbecoming personality traits on the planet.

Some people say you need to walk into a pageant expecting to win, while others say you have to enter a pageant expecting nothing.

I believe you should expect to do your best, to have a great time, to make new friends, and to challenge yourself. I believe you should prepare so that you have no regrets:

• Make sure you love the way you feel in your wardrobe (it should make you feel like a queen),
• Make sure you are as fit as possible, and
  
• Make sure you know your central message for the judges, why you want the title, what you intend to do with the title, and what makes you stand out above the rest. Prepare as you would for your interview for your dream job. Understand the logistics of what your job entails.

Then, when pageant week or weekend arrives, you need to be able to let it all go. You should have the perspective that it's really just a pageant. At the end of the day, if you should win, you'll be prepared for the title, and if you don't win, you have the perspective to realize that your life is more than a pageant and hopefully you learned a lot, made new friends, and grew through this process.

During the pageant: You need to stop the negative self-talk and relax. I'm a very anaytical person, and I know it is tempting to wonder, "Did I make the top 10? I felt that I did well, but was it enough? Was I good enough to be number 11? I wonder if I'm number 11." Don't rehash your entire private interview over and over in your head. Don't stress over the upcoming on-stage question. Most of all don't compare yourself to others. Befriend the other women if you can. Get to know them. They are all outstanding. Then, just be yourself. I know its easier said than done when you have intentionally asked people to judge you on who you are, but if you can be yourself and be real, you will stand out among the rest. Make eye contact. Be warm and be friendly. Let the judges, contestants, and staff get to know you, your sense of humor, your beliefs and attitudes. Be confident yet humble. Don't be arrogant. Don't have low self-esteem. You are so much more than a crown and sash. Then the judges will flock to you. You can be Mrs. Oklahoma and Mrs. Congeniality.

I understand all of this so well, because I have been that perfectionistic, analytical person, and I know how hard it is to overcome this -- but I also know how easy it is once you start. Once you begin to let go of the negative self-talk, it is so freeing that you won't want to go back to worrying ever again. Women tend to be worriers and a pageant, well, a pageant can bring out the best and worst in us. Think positive, and remember that you're no better than anybody else, but you are just as good. Then when you leave, crown or no crown, you will have won. No regrets.

Because honestly, when it comes down to it, while the pageant is about the contestants, the job of being Mrs. Oklahoma is not about you. It's not about your qualities and attributes, your accomplishments or how valuable you are. It's not about how perfect you've become in your communication skills, stage presence and figure since you began your pageant preparation. It's about them. It's about everyone else. It's about serving others. I suppose it's also a little bit about you. It's about you being a positive example. It's about you being a part-time minor celebrity and using that status to serve people in our state, especially our children. Of course, the truth is, the more you give, the more you receive. You will receive more through your service endeavors than any wonderful prize package could ever offer you. But it all begins with positive thinking. It begins with believing in yourself and believing in others. It begins with putting a stop to negative self-talk and not standing in your own way.

Good luck ladies!! I'm rooting for you! See you April 25!