Progress for divorce support, new confidence through pageantry, and my upcoming school year!

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your kindness and support during this busy time. I have just begun my third semester as an applied math student and teaching assistant. I'm teaching three classes (which are full of wonderful students, by the way!), taking Numerical Differential Equations with Dr. Shirley Pomeranz, and working on two projects in the department. Everything is right on schedule. I admire the professors and peers I am working with, and I can already tell that I'm going to learn a lot this year!

My experiences at Mrs. International have had added rewards in all aspects of my life. I'm more proactive and confident as I continue to promote divorce support for youth. As a result, we have four new prospective chapters of Banana Splits this fall! Two chapters will be located in Tulsa Public elementary schools. We will have one church-based chapter, and another school based chapter in Oklahoma City. So many children will get the help they need, and in the meantime, we are building a legacy of progress so that other schools and community centers can look to these models and establish chapters of their own. It is my belief that these divorce support programs will be so successful that every school will want one, after we can show that we are getting results. I know there will be ups and downs, and like any new program, there will be a learning curve and a period of growth, but the compassion and enthusiasm are there in our volunteers and it is my hope and prayer that every thing will move forward as it should.

I'm also beginning to believe in my mathematical abilities, my speaking skills, and my knowledge of divorce support, math, teaching, and people. I know that I still have a lot to learn -- that is certain -- but my experiences at Mrs. International showed me that I can and should be confident in my abilities. As a person with perfectionistic tendencies, I often see all of the room I have for improvement, and I strive toward that improvement, but I also tend to believe the Groucho Marx quote, "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." I've tended to minimize my accomplishments and abilities in an effort towards humility, but I've often arrived at lower self-esteem. As a result, I think I have often underestimated myself. Being named fourth runner-up at Mrs. International, and knowing that had I been more confident, I could have performed even better, has helped my attitude towards my strengths in general. I feel like Stuart Smalley on SNL, looking into the mirror and saying, "Because I'm good enough, smart enough, and dog gonnit, people like me!" That doesn't mean I'm arrogant or conceited, but I have a new appreciation for my God-given talents, strengths, and personality. I'm progressing to truly believe my grandmother's words: "You're no better than anybody else, but you're just as good." I understand it on a new level now. I'm grateful to God and the Mrs. International organization that I have learned this. I feel it was meant to be, and now I can move forward in my career, volunteer work, and social and family life knowing that I have something to offer because I'm uniquely myself. It has been a wonderful and rewarding journey, and it has just begun!

This year, my best girl-friend Stephanie is getting married and I'm her matron of honor, planning our trip to California wine country for spring break. She's getting married the week before I graduate. I'm going to be busy with Banana Splits, volunteering at one TPS school, giving classroom presentations to youth about their family structures and self-esteem, and doing fun appearances like the Tulsa Wedding Show and singing the national anthem at TU football games. I'm also attending theMs. Senior Oklahoma pageant next weekend at the Southeast campus of TCC at the Van Trease Performing Arts Center. This is presented by Grace Hospice and is a benefit for them. I had the opportunity to judge this pageant last year, and it was one of the most beautiful, inspiring things to hear the stories of these incredible elderly women and to see that true beauty is ageless. Ladies, we can still be beautiful at 99 because it is what is inside us that matters! I'll be working with unbelievably intelligent people in the math department at TU. I will be learning about math, but also learning about their habits and discipline, the qualities that make them successful, not just as mathematicians and analysts but as people. I will give up my title in April. A week later Steph will get married. And a week later my family will fly in from Florida to watch me become "Master Sasha!" We joke that I'll be Master Sasha until I become Dr. Sasha. I'm also taking better care of my heart, exercising at least 30 minutes each day and watching my diet. I've been reflecting a lot on my grandmothers and their illnesses, and thinking forward to my children, and my children's children. I want to not only be there for them, but also to be a good example of good habits for them. This is going to be an incredible year! I'm so excited!

Thank you for joining me on my journey.
Sasha

Love Your Heart

Coronary heart disease is the single major cause of death in the U.S.

Like many, I've often taken my health for granted, especially during a busy semester or other busy time in my life, when I just didn't feel that working out, going to the grocery store, or cooking healthy meals would fit into my schedule. After researching the simple steps we can all make to prevent heart attacks and increase our heart health, and after thinking about the scary "1-in-3 women" statistic, and thinking about my grandmothers, my mother, and my future children and grandchildren, I've decided to make a commitment. I am going to commit to love my heart. I'm committing to practice what I preach. As an advocate and spokesperson for women's heart health and wellness, how can I not? I owe it to myself, to my husband, and to the people I love to take care of myself. I hope you will consider making some small changes to increase your heart-health too.

Here are some simple ways that you can love your heart!
This is a summary, with excerpts, of what I read on the American Heart Association website.

• Quit smoking.
• Choose good nutrition. "A diet rich in vegetables, fruit, whole-grain, and high-fiber foods, fish, lean protein, and fat-free or low-fat dairy products is key."
  
• Reduce blood cholesterol.
• Lower high blood pressure. This is the single largest risk factor for stroke, the no. 3 killer and one of the leading causes of disability in the U.S.
• Be physically active every day. Get at least 30 minutes of physical activity 5 or more days per week.
• Aim for a healthy weight. Your body mass index (BMI) can tell you if your weight is healthy. Click here to calculate your BMI.
• Manage diabetes.
• Reduce stress.
• Limit alcohol. One drink per day on average for women and 1-2 drinks per day on average for men.
  

Keeping all of this in mind, I'm going to set two heart-healthy goals for myself at a time. Once the new habits are established, I will add new goals! For now, my goals are to do cardiovascular exercise for at least 30 minutes per day, and make sure I eat at least one vegetable per day. I have to be honest -- I love vegetables but I haven't been eating them regularly. So far today, I've had two cookies, a bowl of oatmeal, and angel hair with meat sauce, which isn't exactly a heart-healthy diet. Veggies in a can aren't very appetizing, but when Bobby and I buy vegetables, they often end up going bad in the fridge. Adjusting my diet is a lot harder to do now that I'm back in school, teaching three calculus quiz sections, working on projects, and continuing my work with Banana Splits in Tulsa and Oklahoma City. Wish me luck and feel free to follow along at LovingMyHeart.blogspot.com as I journal about my struggles and successes in building a heart-healthy life. :)

Shop for a Cause

On Saturday, September 20, Macy's stores will host Shop For A Cause with donations benefiting Go Red For Women. Make a $5 donation and receive an all-day savings pass (20% off on most purchases, 10% off on others) for select merchandise.

All of my close friends and family know that I love Macy's! I will definitely be there to support this worthy cause. If you would like to make a $5 donation and receive your all-day savings pass, email me at MrsOklahoma2008@gmail.com or give me a call if you have my number! I'm collecting donations and distributing passes as Mrs. Oklahoma. Macy's is a national sponsor of Go Red For Women. I'll see you there!

Go Red and Me

Earlier this year, the Mrs. International pageant partnered with the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women movement to encourage awareness of heart disease symptoms and risk factors in women, encourage healthy lifestyles, and end heart disease and stroke.

One in three women die of heart disease each year. When I think of my sisters and me, or my mom, my grandmother, and me, or my good friends Stephanie, Kelly, and Laura, I know that one in three women is one too many. Both of my grandmothers had diabetes, heart disease, and different types of cancer. Grandma Lim had a stroke a year or so before she passed away this March, and Grandma Platt had heart problems for as long as I can remember. She passed away in 2006. Both of my grandmothers were very young and very close to me.

So many people think that working out is for vanity, to look good in a bikini or to be a perfect size 4 or 6, or whatever they think a perfect size is. To me, getting my 30 minutes of exercise is necessary because I love my heart. I love Bobby. I love life. I think about the children I will have some day, and how I want to be around to babysit and nurture my grandchildren. I know that's a lot of thinking ahead for a 26 year-old, but I think this way all the time. I want to encourage women and men to love your hearts -- if not for yourself, for the people you love. My husband's grandfather died of a heart attack when he was relatively young. I want Bobby to care for his heart too, because I want him to be around for a long time, with the quality of life that comes through taking care of yourself and your body.

I was thrilled when I heard about the partnership, because while all of us are passionate about our personal platforms, no woman I know is one-dimensional. We're multidimensional, and we're compassionate, and in general we talk a lot. We have the ability to get this message out there. Also, heart disease is so prevalent that every woman competing in our pageant at the local, state, and national levels has a personal connection to this issue. As we become advocates and join the cause, we're each more likely to care for our own hearts as well. From every direction, it is obvious that this partnership is a good thing. I just joined the "You're the Cure" mailing list, received my Shop for a Cause day passes (see the blog above), and researched ways that all of us can love our hearts. I hope you will join me on my journey as I begin to work with the American Heart Association and Go Red in addition to my work for children of divorce. If we're going to be there for our children, we have to be there. We have to love our hearts. There isn't any other option than to take care of ourselves. I hope you will begin to love your heart for yourself and your family today.

The Tulsa Wedding Show

Bobby and I had a great day yesterday with Sandy Richardson of Applause Modeling and Talent Agency, and a fun group of models, vendors, and friends as we modeled beautiful formal wear and women and men watching helped plan someone's very special wedding day.

The models were wonderful. They were fun and sweet and friendly and youthful. Sandy and her friends were warm and kind. We modeled in three shows from noon to 5 PM, and had a short break at the the 3 o'clock hour to tour the show. Bobby and I tried some delicious wedding cake (I love Ludger's wedding cakes) and appetizers, and had to turn down a lot of vendors by saying, "We're already married!"

Here we are backstage in the ladies dressing room at the Tulsa Wedding Show:
Booby and I also took some very cute pictures in the photo booth (I wish I had a scanner so that I could share them with you!) and with an ice sculpture of two hearts - that happened to have colored ice shaped into an S and a B - perfect for Sasha and Bobby! It was meant to be!

Sandy offered to give me 30 seconds or so to talk about my platform, but I opted against it. In thinking about all of the women and their girlfriends, choosing gowns, cakes, florists, and reception locations, I didn't have it in my heart to bring up divorce. Looking back, I should have talked about the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and the opportunity to save $45 on their marriage licenses by attending a free 12-hour workshop series. Every couple can benefit from the information OMI has for them. Every couple can improve their communication and learn to nurture the best parts of their relationship so that they can have wonderful marriages that they have always dreamed of. At the next wedding show, if given the opportunity, I will share this. Many, many women will spend five hours at a single wedding show, plus many more hours, planning the wedding of their dreams. What about the marriage of their dreams? Bobby and I have been married two years, and we're still hopelessly in love with each other, although our relationship, just like any other, does require work at times. If you would like to find a free workshop, visit the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online.

Dressing up in wedding gowns was like being a princess for a day, and it meant even more to me to have Bobby by my side, modeling tuxedos. It is always easier for me to feel comfortable, elegant, and beautiful knowing he's right there next to me. I modeled four gowns and Bobby modeled three tuxedos in three shows. It was a lot of fun! I hope that Bobby and I will be invited back for the wedding show in January.

Mr. and Mrs. Oklahoma to appear in Tulsa Wedding Show

Dear friends,
I have some exciting news! One week from today, my husband Bobby and I will be modeling formal wear at the Tulsa Wedding Show! This is something I have always wanted to do, and Bobby is excited about the idea of being a male model! (He loves the Zoolander movie! LOL) We will be dressed in clothes from Annie Lane's bridal, Bridal Classiques, Miss Jackson's, Beshara's, Al's Tuxedos, and Men's Warehouse.

I just got the call from Sandy Richardson, of Applause Acting and Modeling Agency, today. She is such a warm, kind person on the phone. I'm looking forward to meeting her in person! Tickets are $8 each. The Tulsa Wedding Show takes place from 12 PM to 5 PM in the Renaissance Hotel's Grand Ballroom. For more information, please visit the Tulsa Wedding Show online. We hope to see you there!

Banana Splits Article in Education Week

The Banana Splits program is getting more media coverage! An article about the Banana Splits program was printed in Education Week. You have to subscribe to read the article. You can choose to subscribe to read just this article as well for $2.95. Follow the link to subscribe and read the full article: "A Taste of 'Banana Splits' Consoles Children Feeling Trauma of Divorce"

Teen Alcoholism Rooted in Childhood Experiences Like Divorce

I awoke this morning to read my google alerts about marriage and divorce, and found the headline above: "Teen alcoholism rooted in childhood experiences like divorce". Click the title to read the full article.

The article goes on to say that through a phone survey of over 3,600 Americans between the ages of 18 and 39, they found a link between negative childhood experiences, such as abuse and parental divorce, and teen alcoholism.

This is no surprise to me. People are trying to cope with negative feelings, including sadness, anger, and confusion, and often they end up coping in self-destructive ways. Some would read this and think that there must be a third variable, a variable that links to divorce that also links to teen alcoholism, and they might be right. I don't believe that it is divorce itself that is so traumatic for youth but all of the life changes and accompanying messages from friends and family that surround divorce that often prove to be traumatic. But the fact remains that divorce and such self-destructive behavior patterns as teen alcoholism are linked. The work we do is needed, and this study is just one more piece of evidence pointing to this need.

This is not to say that parental divorce means that a child is doomed, but instead that that a child of divorce is at higher risk than others. We can help these children if we find out what their needs are, and then meet them. Building on the experience of those who have helped children of loss in the past, we see that children can be protected, by showing them that they are not alone, teaching them how to handle negative feelings in healthy ways and helping them understand what is happening to their families. These are the central messages of peer support groups such as Banana Splits, Rainbows, and Divorce Care for Kids.

We have to be careful in looking at correlational studies, because if we assume a causal relationship where there isn't one, we won't get the results we expect by treating the supposed cause. However, when dealing with divorce and other negative life experiences, we can't run true cause and effect studies because they would be unethical. (We can't say, "Let all the parents of kids in this group divorce whil all of the children with parents in the other group stay together. Then we'll see what happens and note the difference between the groups.") Of course, that would be absurd. But we can do our best using correlational studies, and with compassion and care, we can find out what is happening in the hearts and minds of these kids and meet their needs. That is what the authors of the divorce support groups have done. It's not as scientific, but it is common sense and because we've seen the outcomes, we know that what we are doing is a good thing.

Banana Splits Training Opportunity!

When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

I believe the above statement with my whole heart, and this is another such opportunity to learn how we can better help children right here in Oklahoma. Dr. Valerie Raymond will be conducting a one day seminar on starting a Banana Splits chapter on November 5, 2008, from 10 AM to 3:30 PM in New York City. The fee for attending is $175 per school for non-NYAIS members. (NYAIS stands for New York Association of Independent Schools). The seminar is not required to start a chapter, but it is an excellent opportunity to learn from a psychologist who has led Banana Splits groups for over 30 years. If my schedule and budget permit, I hope to attend as Mrs. Oklahoma and learn from Dr. Raymond in person at her seminar this fall. I will do my best to arrange and rearrange my schedule so that I may attend. We'll see how it goes. :) Dr. Raymond maintains the online Banana Splits Resource Center as well.

Here is the seminar description as written on the NYAIS website:

Banana Splits in Your School: Starting a Group for Children with Divorced/Deceased Parents

This seminar for school counselors/psychologists, nurses, administrators and teachers will prepare participants, upon return to their home schools, to institute and run groups for students at all age levels with divorced/deceased/single parents. Using print and audiovisual materials as well as simulation activities, this is a comprehensive seminar covering the following:

* What is Banana Splits?
* Rationale: Why include such groups in mainstream independent schools?
* The nature of a successful school group program for Split kids
* The subjective experience of Split students and parents
* Preparation and involvement of school staff and parents in a Banana Splits program
* Specifics on how to launch the program
* Specific activities for different age levels

Dr. Valerie Raymond has 30 years' experience in the New York City independent schools as a teacher, learning specialist, and school psychologist, in addition to her psychology practice. She holds a masters degree in special education, a doctorate in applied educational psychology, and a postdoctoral specialization in counseling psychology, all from Columbia University. She is frequently invited to speak to groups of parents and teachers as well as professional groups, on topics from attention deficit disorder to divorce. Dr. Raymond currently serves on the professional advisory board of the Gateway School and is a school psychologist at Friends Seminary where she has led Banana Splits groups for 20 years.

NOTE for travellers:
Inexpensive, convenient lodging at:
Seafarers & International House
123 East 15th Street
212-677-4800
www.sihnyc.org

To register, click here.
Thank you for your interest!

In the News...

The Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise ran an article about me after my presentation to the Bartlesville Downtown Kiwanis club. Click here to read the article!

OKC Banana Splits and Visiting Bartlesville Kiwanians

Wow! It has been an eventful couple of days. Tuesday morning I drove to Oklahoma City to speak with Diane Ray about starting a new chapter (or two) of Banana Splits for inner city children and youth, and today I spoke at the Downtown Bartlesville Kiwanis meeting about advocacy for children of divorce and the Banana Splits program.

It feels wonderful to know that I am sharing this message and that people are hearing it...and wanting to take action to start new Banana Splits chapters. It is an exciting time for children of divorce because we are finally going to get these children access to the support services that they deserve! The time to help children of divorce is now.

On my way to see Diane, just a few miles from my intended destination, my car broke down. My cell phone screen said "emergency only", and I was already feeling lost, so I stopped to call her from a pay phone to let her know that I was lost. Then, as I was backing out of the Conoco station, my battery died. I was stranded half way across the state from home, but Raul the gas station attendant and some very nice young men, two of them on a cross-country road trip, helped me to contact my husband, get my car started, and get back on the road to Tulsa before the battery quit a second time.

Diane was very understanding, and offered to drive to Tulsa to meet with me about starting her new Banana Splits chapter. Diane, her friend, and three beautiful little girls met me at my house last night, and we talked for a long time about the need for the program, implementation, and our own family backgrounds and reasons for wanting to help children from changing families. Diane communicated that the majority of children participating would not come from families where the parents had divorced, but from single parent homes in the inner city. Many children do not even know both of their parents, much less interact with them both on a regular basis. While Banana Splits was designed with children of divorce in mind, children raised by single never-married parents, children who are raised by grandparents, children in foster care, and even some adopted children feel the same anxiety and uncertainty because of their lack of a parent figure or lack of stability with regard to family identity. Diane and her young friends left my house, with "Getting Started with Banana Splits" materials in hand, after 11 PM, only to face a two-hour drive home. I am so grateful for her enthusiasm and compassion for these children. Diane is seeing a need and meeting it. While I don't know what it's like to be an inner city kid, with all of the accompanying insecurity concerning gangs and street violence, I know a fraction of what it is like to come from a hurting family. I'm looking forward to working with these children and getting to know them. I am already inspired by their strength and courage, and we haven't even met yet!

Immediately thereafter, I put the finishing touches on my powerpoint for the Bartlesville Kiwanis meeting. I went to bed thinking, "How can we convince volunteers, who donate many hours to great causes, but who are also often stretched thin by their many commitments, that these children need our help and that they should find the time to do something about it?" I asked my husband and he said that he didn't know. I slept on it and woke up with a new idea. I made a few changes to my presentation (to include more insight into what the process of divorce is often like for these children and parents) and then hit the road. After getting lost for the second time in two days, I finally made it, at noon on the dot. :) I gave it my best college try and found a warmth and concern from the Kiwanians that was encouraging and inspiring. Charles Moll expressed his desire to do more concerning promoting and working with Banana Splits state-wide. The Kiwanis president shared that supporting children from changing families through programming might be a great option for an Oklahoma-Texas Kiwanis service project.

I am going to work on my proposal and get it to them soon. When I think of all of the possibilities, and all of the children that these volunteers may help, I feel excited and motivated to work hard to pitch this well, to explain what we intend to do and the program's benefits, to the 'right people.' Sometimes it saddens me that the title is needed to open doors, but for me and for these children, the title has opened so many doors and I am now talking with people who are motivated to help youth become the very best that they can be. I am so grateful for these opportunities and the interest and enthusiasm of those I have met. I better go and get back to work! I'll write again soon!

My Pageant Cast Interview

Tim Kretschmann interviewed me on July 3 for PageantCast! We recorded the interview and then this PageantCast episode was posted on July 25th. I had the opportunity to meet Tim in person -- what a nice guy! Click here to listen!

In the News...

Hello friends! I just thought I'd share that I am featured in the August issue of Oklahoma magazine and the fall 2008 issue of Pageantry magazine.

Pageantry magazine published a story on the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant on page 82 of the fall issue. I'm also pictured in the 'Pageant Patter' on pages 95, 99, and 103 in several events from my first two months as Mrs. Oklahoma International! On page 24 of the August 2008 issue of Oklahoma magazine, I'm pictured with fellow TU alum Nick Doctor at the YWCA's Wine, Women and Shoes event. Nick and I ran into each other kind of randomly. Because I attended the event unaccompanied, it was nice to see a familiar face in one of my first appearances as Mrs. Oklahoma International 2008! Click here to register to view the online version of Oklahoma magazine.

It's all kind of old news and not really a big deal, but I thought that friends and family might want to pick up a copy!