A Heart With Two Homes

A Heart With Two Homes is a beautiful book about a girl named Elizabeth, who is a girly-girl called Lizzy at mom's house and a tomboy called Beth at dad's house. She uses journalling to begin to appreciate all of herself as she truly is.

All of the proceeds for A Heart With Two Homes go directly to the programs of Blended Love, a nonprofit supporting children through family change through the classroom. We bring books for children and educators into school libraries. We train educators to meet the needs of children from changing families through a course called Calm Classrooms in Turbulent Times. We teach children how to deal with change through reading and writing, in the research-based Things Change journal program.

Blended Love is run entirely by volunteers who want to help support children as they learn to cope with family change. Please consider buying a copy of this book to raise funds for the programs of this worthwhile organization.

Standing On My Own Two Feet

I was contacted by fellow child of divorce advocate and author Tamara Schmitz today. She sent me the link to an adorable, uplifting group reading of her book, "Standing On My Own Two Feet."

Addison expressed how his parents' love will always be there and will help him to be strong! With the help of parents, teachers, and caring adults, we can help all children to be 100% sure that their parents' love for them, like Addison, the main character of "Standing on My Own Two Feet". :)

Children, Divorce, and Love!

Of course, most children don't feel like Addison does, at least not at the beginning. They need reassurance of their parents' love, and the reassurance of the fact that their parents will always be there for them (if that is true). They want help dealing with the changes in their lives and they want to learn how to help themselves to be happy again. Older children need to know that their parents will hold things steady at home, so that they can focus on school, extracurricular activities, and friendships. Adults: we are the solution!

Oklahoma Marriage Initiative ad for Forever. For Real. on February 6

Supporting Your Child After Divorce (Ages 6 to 8)

Here is a resource for divorcing parents who have a child between the ages of 6 and 8. It is a summary of the developmental characteristics of children in this age group, their common post-divorce reactions, and what parents can do to help. Of course, all children develop at different rates and you know your child better than anyone else, so it's up to you to decide what is best for your child. The slideshow is available for download at slideshare.net.

Supporting Your Children After Divorce, Ages 6 through 8

View more presentations from SashaMTownsend.

This summary is based on What About The Kids? by Judith Wallerstein and Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way by M. Gary Neuman.

Everyday Beauty Queen

I woke up very early this morning, unable to sleep. I have a busy weekend ahead, and I guess my mind was going a mile a minute and woke me up. I checked my email and visited facebook. I decided to check out a website that I have been meaning to visit: Valerie Hayes' Everyday Beauty Queen. Some of my friends who are outside of pageantry may question this idea -- but let me clarify. Being an everyday beauty queen is not about being a stereotypical "beauty queen" every day! I'm not going to show up at Tulsa Community College to teach trigonometry in an evening gown, with big hair and glamorous make-up, wearing five inch heels. Nor will I wear a business suit everywhere, like Miss America contestants did around the year 2000. The women were so polished and beautiful, but we often (myself included) seemed like we were trying to be 21-going-on-35 business women. Being an everyday beauty queen (EBQ) is not about being "the perfect woman" either, whatever you define perfect to be.

I love the way Valerie puts it:

"It means that she knows she’s in charge of creating the life that she wants and has accepted the responsibility of making her dreams come true....You just have to be someone who’s committed to being a life-long learner and interested in personal development. "

Being an EBQ is tied to the idea of confidence, taking control of your life, and using those skills often developed in pageantry to set personal goals. Valerie had many more beautiful sentences to share, and I want to share one more with you. In describing the EBQ, Valerie writes,

"She’s learned that while goal setting is serious business, winning in life requires the ability to accept who you are, who you want to be, and to laugh at yourself occasionally!"

Now, Valerie uses the title EBQ as a very high honor. I'm a work in progress. I still have a tendency toward perfectionism. I'm still getting used to this idea that it's okay to be confident and that one can be confident and humble at the same time. Being an EBQ is something I aspire to. Today I'm a woman who appreciates myself as I am, while at the same time realizes there is always room for growth. I've always known that there was room for growth -- but I'm trying to be better about the first part. I used to think, "I'm just a graduate student," "I'm just a math teacher," "I'm just Mrs. Oklahoma," "I'm just a volunteer," minimizing my roles and achievements in my own mind. Even when I earned my master's degree, I thought, "It's just a master's degree." It is just a piece of paper but my two years of study are years that I can be proud of. It gave me a sense of camaraderie to know that Maria Shriver has the same tendencies. I heard her say on Oprah that some her self-talk includes, "I'm just the first lady of California." But she is not! She is much more than just the governor's wife, and being the first lady of California is a very high honor.

God showed me this year that it's okay to be confident, and that while He wants me to watch myself, guarding my heart and being careful not to sin, that He doesn't want me to berate and belittle myself when I make mistakes. He wants me to learn from them, move on, and be confident in the way He designed me and His ultimate plan for my life. God gave me the gift of knowing that it is possible to be confident and humble at the same time.

I encourage each of you to take a look at Valerie's new Everyday Beauty Queen website. She encourages us to believe in ourselves in addition to setting goals and achieving them by living our lives with purpose. When you believe in yourself and are able to gain new skills because of it, your confidence grows and you're able to achieve more than you ever imagined.

To me, being Mrs. Tulsa, Mrs. Oklahoma, or Mrs. America will always be about serving others first and personal growth second. For me personally, being Mrs. Tulsa is about addressing the problem of divorce: helping young people after divorce through the classroom and Blended Love, and preventing divorce and strengthening marriage through the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's relationship education classes. But in order to help anyone, you must believe you can. You must believe that change is possible and that we humble beings can initiate change. Valerie's new website is for those people that believe, or for those that want or hope to believe in themselves and others, in the near future.

Making a Purchase? Save money and help children of divorce!

Please visit Blended Love 's website to Shop For Kids! At this website, you can search for items that you'd like to purchase and find the lowest prices on the internet. If you decide to make a purchase, half of the profit will go to supporting children of divorce through Blended Love's programming.

Blended Love is a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to bring hope and camaraderie to children of divorce through the classroom. Specifically, the organization denotes books about changing families to school libraries, provides training for teachers and staff through the course Calm Classrooms in Turbulent Times, and equips children with the tools to cope in healthy ways through bibliotherapy and the Empowered Journaling Program.

If you are planning on making an online purchase, please do so through the search bar on the Blended Love website. You'll be helping children of divorce and saving money. What could be better?

Oxygen: My New Wardrobe Sponsor

I am thrilled to announce that Oxygen will be sponsoring my Mrs. Tulsa appearance wardrobe and possibly some items for the state competition!

The style at Oxygen is fun, fresh, and young. They carry ladies fashion including clothes, shoes, and accessories, and will be dressing me from head to toe for my upcoming appearances, including a meeting I have tomorrow on behalf of Blended Love. Sarah Oh and her team offered excellent styling advice today. I'm confident that I will look and feel my best this year with their help!

Oxygen is located on the lower level of the Promenade mall, next to Macy's, across from GNC.

Stay tuned for more photos of their fabulous clothes and shoes! To Sarah Oh and Oxygen, welcome to the Mrs. Tulsa America family!

The Tulsa Wedding Show

Yesterday, I helped out at the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative booth at the Tulsa Wedding Show. There were so many brides! Amanda Carter, Lauren Mattox, and I passed out fliers, the new marriage magazine, and information about upcoming Forever. For Real. workshops. Our goal is to get marriage-strengthening information into as many hands and hearts as possible. We spoke with so many brides and signed up A LOT of couples for the Febuary 6 event. We also had some fabulous cake from our favorite bakery, Ludger's. :) Their cheesecake wedding cake is divine and worth every delicious calorie. :) I also ran into Heather Rouba, Mrs. Oklahoma America 2009, at the show. She was attending with several of her beautiful models from the Anthony David Agency. Her models modeled bridal gowns in the show. It's so wonderful to be able to spend the day with people I enjoy, who share my values, doing something worthwhile together. These new relationships are such a blessing.

On February 6, during the month of Love, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative will host its largest Forever. For Real. event of the year! From 9 AM to 3 PM, at four locations throughout the state, dating, engaged, and married couples will learn the keys to helping love last. Topics include communication, problem solving, love styles (which very similar to The Five Love Languages), commitment, forgiveness, and much more. The entire workshop is FREE. The marriage initiative is also providing lunch and door prizes, including two tickets on Southwest airlines to fly anywhere in the continental US. You spend so many hours planning your wedding day. Why not invest six hours in the rest of your lives together? If the February 6 date does not work for you, visit the website to search for an upcoming workshop that fits your schedule.

I tell people all the time how these skills have helped me to be a better wife to my husband. It's also great to take a refresher even if you've attended one of our workshops before, because your relationship changes over time. This one-day workshop-style event is also a great supplement to premarital counseling taught by clergy because it is skills-based, rather than focusing on expectations for household chores, children, and other parts of your life together. While our workshop touches on these areas, our primary focus is on giving you real skills that you can use today, no matter what the topic is. Engaged couples save $45 on their marriage licenses by attending this, or one of our other, Forever. for Real. events. When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

I hope to see you at the February event, at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Downtown Tulsa! Register online and be sure to mention that Sasha Townsend, Mrs. Tulsa, sent you!

Forever. For Real.
February 6, 2010
9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Crowne Plaza Hotel
Downtown Tulsa