A Special Thank You

I wanted to thank Sarah at b. jolie and Melissa at Macy's Woodland Hills for all of their help with my stage make-up today! I know I'm going to be even more confident on-stage knowing that I look my best! Thank you both ~ I'm glad to have all of the tips from pros like you! I'm sure that in the coming weeks I will see you again soon!

Above, I am pictured with Sarah at the salon and in an 'after' picture after we came up with my new on-stage look! Thank you Sarah and Melissa for all of your help!

In the News...

Tulsa Today recently posted an article about my mission as Mrs. Oklahoma International! I'm so grateful for this exposure, because getting the word out is half the battle with a platform like mine. Often people don't realize that divorce support is a cause worthy of our attention. We need both: awareness and action. Click the link to check out the article!

Tulsa Today article

Oklahoma Mozart Festival Grand Finale Concert

Bobby and I had a wonderful time last night at the Oklahoma Mozart Festival. Amici New York, the orchestra made up of gifted musicians from New York that traveled to Oklahoma to share their time and talent with us, and mezzo-soprano Fredrica Von Strade performed beautifully. After the concert, Bobby and I had an opportunity to speak with many of the performers and organizers of the event about their music, about my roles and mission as Mrs. Oklahoma, and about the need for more classical music and arts exposure in general in Oklahoma.

The concert was fantastic, and surprisingly they performed much more than Mozart. Several of the final songs performed were from musical theatre: "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man", "Hello, Young Lovers" and "Send in the Clowns". Fredrica was not only a gifted singer, but she was also a gifted actress. She certainly really got into each role for each piece she sang. In one aria, her character had had too much to drink, and it was hilarious!

Back in my Miss America days, my platform issue was "Promoting the Arts in the lives of children," and I also attended a performing arts high school, Blake High School, in Tampa, Florida as a vocal music major. This experience was a wonderful one for me, taking me back to the days when art was my first passion and sharing it with youth was my goal. To this day, I still believe in the therapeutic benefits of the arts. The arts allow for self-expression and communication that is not often possible with the spoken or written word. Often we don't even know how we feel until the art brings it out of us. I met an art therapist who works with children at schools in the Tulsa area, and she spoke about how successful her art therapy had been in helping children. Just listening to the music moves me and inspires me, and it is my hope that more people are exposed to it -- it just may be that young person's ideal form of communication and self-expression. We will certainly be back next year and we'll bring our friends. I'm very grateful to Scott at the Oklahoma Mozart Festival for providing tickets for Bobby and me, and for all of the 250+ volunteers that made the Oklahoma Mozart festival possible.

YWCA's Wine, Women, and Shoes 101: Wine & Shoe Pairing

I had a great time for a great cause tonight, at the YWCA of Tulsa's Wine, Women, and Shoes event. The monies raised benefit all of the Tulsa area YWCA's programs, which served 24, 000 people in Tulsa area last year. This is a statement about what they do coming from the YWCA organization:

"For more than 94 years, the YWCA Tulsa has worked to empower and unite women of all ages through a variety of programs such as: career and personal counseling services, job search and life skills training and internship services, fitness and aquatic programs, children and youth programs including top quality Early Learning Centers, senior programs, English as a Second Language courses, citizenship classes and more."
It was wonderful to know that our donations supported women, children and families in need. The YWCA is a very proactive rather than reactive organization, and that makes me proud to support them in their mission of eliminating racism and empowering women. We tasted incredible wines from Nappa valley vinters (I think there was only one wine that I didn't like), enjoyed delicious appetizers, and conversed with great company. Women also admired some fabulous shoes from shoe providers all over Tulsa -- my favorites were some four-inch fabulous black Jimmy Choos! Classic, elegant, with a little bit of sex appeal and a lot of substance, we decided that they were definitely a match with cabernet. :) I had an opportunity to talk to people about my platform and my goals for my year as Mrs. Oklahoma, as well as to hear about the many wonderful things being done by Tulsans in our local community. I believe this was just the beginning of many new relationships that will lead to progress for Tulsa's children of divorce and their families.In the first photo in this entry, I am pictured with friend Nick Doctor (we went to the University of Tulsa together) and Stephen Eberle. Above I am pictured with Nick, Stephen, and new friends, Jamie and Mark. Jamie kept me company as the guests were just arriving and Mark helped us to find the very best food and wine at the event. Today is Jamie's 32nd birthday -- Happy birthday, Jamie! Wonderful people! Mark has excellent taste in food and wine, and both were a pleasure to talk to! I'm glad that we met. :) Overall, it was a successful appearance: we had a great time for a great cause and I believe I succeeded in spreading awareness of advocacy for children of divorce. I look forward to many more events like this, because I know that I can't succeed in helping children of divorce completely on my own. It is a team effort -- and tonight, I think I found some new partners for our team!

Pageant Talk Interview with Jennifer Woods

I had a wonderful opportunity to talk with Jennifer Woods, the host of Pageant Talk International, about my platform and the Mrs. International organization today. The interview was broadcast live at 3 PM PST / 5 PM Central time on Voice America, internet talk radio. Jennifer, thank you so much for the opportunity to be on the show, and for your support and kind words regarding Mrs. International! I meant every word! Just click play below to hear my interview!

Mrs. Oklahoma to emcee the Bethel Foundation's Catwalk for a Cause

Today I was humbled to receive an email in which a representative of the Bethel Foundation asked me to emcee their International Fashion Show: Catwalk for a Cause. The Bethel Foundation provides emotional and tangible support for single mothers. Knowing the challenges that my mother and so many others faced and continue to face, I was honored to be involved. The headline reads "Runway Fashion Meets Oklahoma City for This Exclusive Charity Event." The fashion show will feature models from all cultures as a tribute to the diversity of God's beautiful creation. The fashion show and dinner will take place at the Petroleum Club of Downtown OKC. Tickets are $125 per person. For more information and to purchase tickets online, go to www.BethelFoundationUSA.com/2055133.html.

The stated mission of the Bethel Foundation is to "change lives, one mom at a time". I got goose bumps just reading about the good things that they are doing, as I remembered back to the early days after my parents' divorce. My mom was raising three girls, working full-time, and going back to school. So many women can benefit from their services. Divorce often leads to poverty for women and children as assets are split between the former partners, women who haven't worked in years rejoin the work force while generally keeping child custody, and both parents try to rebuild their lives, their families, and themselves socially, financially and spiritually.

The Bethel Foundation helps moms meet the many challenges of single parenthood, by rehabilitating distressed properties, providing homes for women and children coming from abusive relationships, offering guidance in pursuing a GED, a college degree, and career placement, and offering counseling services, spiritual mentoring, and support to help them through this tough transition. I can only imagine the worry and concern that must come with these post-divorce challenges, and then the sudden realization that their prayers have been answered, that people are here who want to help them rebuild their lives and strengthen their families. What a life-changing, wonderful gift! As the Bethel Foundation is providing for each mom's immediate needs, they also give her hope for a better future. If you are a single mom who could benefit from these services, please call (405) 286-3700.

I hope you will visit www.BethelFoundationUSA.com for more information about this incredible organization.

Oklahoma Marriage Initiative Ad

I thought it was pretty funny!

More Than Words

I was talking to my mom one day, and she shared that Extreme's "More than Words" reminded her of me. If anyone would have ever asked me to describe my point of view with a song before this, perhaps I would have struggled a bit, but my mom knows me better than anyone else (except perhaps, my husband Bobby). A major running theme in my life is the theme of "More Than Words." I believe that this is consistent with what many children want after their parents divorce.

I come from a very affectionate family. We say I love you a lot. We talk a lot, hug a lot, and laugh loudly and often. I love that we are so affectionate. I love that we are friends and that we have a lot of fun together, but growing up, it was the little disappointments that bothered me. When one of my parents couldn't make it to an important extracurricular performance or awards show, when people would say one thing and do another, when a role model would do something that I felt was immoral or inconsistent with what they had always taught me, I felt disillusioned, and I decided that I would try my very best to live consistently with my own values, to always behave in the way that I thought was the best way to behave. I realize that often times, things that are not within our control come up and we disappointment someone, or we disappoint someone unintentionally because we didn't understand their expectations of us. What I'm talking about is a pattern of behavior that is reliable and consistent. Actions and words meet and everything fits.

When my parents divorced at 13, I felt that this was real love: to act lovingly even when we don't feel like acting lovingly, to do the right thing even when our instincts tempt us to follow a different path. I believe a lot of children of divorce feel the same way. They want their parents to show their love, not only through words, but also through actions. Here are some recommendations from children of divorce to divorcing parents about what parents can do to help their children feel loved and protected throughout the transition of divorce. This applies to all parents, but it is particularly salient for children of divorce because their parents may be less available as the adults struggle with the post-divorce aftermath. This list was created by kids in Jill Greenstein's Banana Splits chapter in NY.
Advice for Parents from Children of Divorce

* Spend alone time with all your children.
* Tell the truth and don't break promises or lie.
* Don't fight, yell, etc. in front of your children -- it makes your children scared and worried.
* Help your children with their homework.
* Share important information with your children.
* Listen to your children and pay attention to them.
* Have patience with your children and try not to get too angry.
* When you're angry, try not to take it out on your children.
* Communicate your feelings.

While every person needs to hear those three little words, "I love you", from the list above it is clear that behaviors, such as spending time alone with your kids, being honest with them, and protecting them from post-divorce conflict and arguments, show children that you love them and are willing to do what is best for them. Every time a parent bad-mouths his or her ex, the child thinks, "Will I grow up to be like that?" "Will I grow up to be a ________ like my dad/mom?" Children internalize these comments. Protecting your children from these comments is a way of showing love.

Mrs. Greenstein also advocates the following Bill of Rights.
Bill Of Rights For Children Whose Parents Are Separated/Divorced

* The right not to be asked to "choose sides" between their parents.
* The right not to be told the details of bitter or nasty legal proceedings going on between their parents.
* The right not to be told "bad things" about the other parent's personality or character or behavior.
* The right to privacy when talking to either parent on the telephone.
* The right not to be cross-examined by one parent after visiting the other parent.
* The right not to be asked to be a messenger from one parent to the other.
* The right not to be asked by one parent to tell the other parent untruths.
* The right not to be used as a confidant regarding the legal proceedings between the parents.
* The right to express feelings, whatever these feelings may be.
* The right to choose not to express certain feelings.
* The right to be protected from parental warfare.
* The right not to be made to feel guilty for loving both parents.

Because of past disappointments and more than a few excellent role models, I strive to be a person that others can count on and come to for support. I know that no one is perfect, and that even as I try, I will fail on a regular basis, but I strive to be the best I can be, to show my love for my loved ones by taking action for them. I want to live my platform rather than just talk about it. I want my actions and character speak for themselves, to provide real support in addition to pep talks, and concrete help and services for families, in addition to encouragement. Mom was right when she said that "More Than Words" is what I'm all about. I tend to have high expectations of others, but I don't expect anything more than I expect from myself. I hope parents will consider this lifestyle choice too. That's enough self-revelation for today. God bless!

Advice for Parents and the Bill of Rights were reprinted with permission from Jill Greenstein.

Youth Services of Tulsa's Runaway 5K

I just got back from Youth Services of Tulsa's Runaway 5K. What a great experience! The 5K is a benefit for the Youth Services of Tulsa, to raise awareness of Safe Place. Safe Place is a program which offers youth in need immediate help at 164 sites all over Tulsa, including Tulsa Transit stations, QuikTrip gas stations, and fire stations. If a young person has run away, or needs safety from conflicts at home, danger at home or with peers, or from substance abuse issues, Safe Place locations provide immediate help. With over 300 participants, the event was a huge success!

At the 5K, I discussed my goals for my year as Mrs. Oklahoma with director of development, Barry Maxwell. Barry was very encouraging and receptive. I explained to Barry that I wanted to help Youth Services in whatever way I could -- in whichever roles YST needs me. I shared that being Mrs. Oklahoma is based on my community service platform, and that this is an opportunity to be a local celebrity for a year to promote a cause that means the world to me. I'm pretty sure that I broke the pageant stereotype for one woman, and that helps so much in what we do. There is such a stereotype out there and there is the only one way to break it...by showing people that we are here to serve(!) and that we have a lot more to offer than outer beauty.

I also spoke with Mayor Kathy Taylor of Tulsa. She and I talked about divorce support for youth, education in the Tulsa area, and youth issues in general. I explained that all of these issues overlap. Children of divorce are statistically more likely to have self-esteem issues, anxiety and depressive symptoms, and children of divorce act out in a number of ways. Gang involvement and teen pregnancy are shown to be related to parental divorce. Children who have problems with their family life and family-identity are more likely to make poor choices. One out of three children of divorce drop out of high school. Banana Splits and similar programs are preventative. Not all children of divorce are in trouble, so clearly, it doesn't have to be that way! My goal is to help children to choose the road less traveled, to choose good decision-making over bad, and to understand how valuable they are and how much they have to offer the world. Mayor Taylor invited me to call her office and set another appointment to discuss these issues. Maybe then we'll take a picture without running a 5K just a few minutes beforehand! It was neat to see the mayor giving back to Tulsa youth in this way.

In the US I believe that all of us have the same opportunities; we simply don't have the same support systems. My grandmother on my mother's side came to the US from the Philippines because she believed that this was the land of opportunity. With hard work, she believed all things are possible. As a female graduate student in mathematics whose gender has only helped me and never hurt me, I tend to agree. But this does not mean that 'success', however you define it, is equally easy for all of us. I hope to provide children who have little to no social support systems with more social support. I believe that those support systems, whether they be in our homes, churches, or community organizations like YST, can make the difference between an A student and a C student, a confident young person and an angry young person, a grounded, community-minded adult or one who has no experience in self-care, physically, financially, intellectually or spiritually. It is my hope that we can help these kids by giving them the social support and confidence they need to see the many opportunities before them and move forward to make their impact on the world. I don't want kids to just get by -- I want them to reach or exceed their potential. I want them to have extraordinary lives of purpose, service, and hope. I was very happy to see that so many staff members, volunteers, and Tulsans at the Youth Services 5K have the same vision.

2008 Miss Oklahoma America Pageant

Last night I attended the Miss Oklahoma pageant finals with pageant sisters Miss Tulsa International Janitha Jendzrey and Miss Oklahoma International Megan Johnson. Like everyone else at the pageant, the three of us had a great time!

The production was incredible and each of the contestants was worthy of the title. They were all so fit, so beautiful, and so well-spoken. Knowing the discipline required to get into tip-top shape, to develop one's talent, and to serve in one's community in addition to their academic, career and

family responsibilities, I admired these beautiful young women for all of their hard work, for deciding to undertake this journey. It's a journey where you decide to better yourself and give as much as you can to serve others.

The new Miss Oklahoma America is Kelsey Cartwright. She is stunningly beautiful, extremely talented, and she was warm and engaging during her on-stage chat with Lauren Nelson. All of the contestants were incredible, and I couldn't narrow the ten down to five much less pick a winner, because they were all so outstanding in their own ways. Maybe Kelsey will be Miss America #7 for Oklahoma! I believe what Lauren said about the best girls coming from Oklahoma -- Oklahoma has smart, down-to-earth, disciplined young people who value their families and communities and want to change the world. Although I am a transplant from Florida, I am proud to be an Okie today! I may be biased but I believe it's true, and besides that, I married an Okie! They're definitely doing something right out here in terms of raising outstanding young people who will make their mark on society.

Janitha and I also had the chance to meet former Mrs. International Michelle Fryatt. One of Michelle's friends was sitting behind us at the pageant and she introduced us. Michelle is an Ada native who was there to support her niece Miss Ada (MAO). I recognized Michelle as the emcee from the 2007 video and she was just as warm and well-spoken in person as she was on DVD during the 2007 pageant. I told her that I loved the fact that our pageant was 50% platform-based interview and that we didn't have to wear swimsuits! I love that Mrs. International recognizes that communicating a vision for your year and making a difference with our titles is priority #1 and that while fitness is important, we don't have to show that much skin to show that we're fit! Jan and I took pictures with Michelle and her very outgoing brother! It was a pleasure, and I'm sure I'll see Michelle again in July!

As the pageant drew to a close, I thought about all of the opportunities pageantry provides us to grow and mature, and to give to others, with or without a crown. All of this so clique'. Still, I write it because it's true! Whether I win in July or not, the journey is life-changing, and the opportunities I have this year to give of myself and serve children of divorce and their families are experiences that shouldn't be traded for anything. I went to church this morning and the pastor spoke about showing God's love through our actions in every aspect of our lives. We're not just Christians on Sunday. We go out and do God's work wherever He plans for us to be. This is consistent with my Florida church's mission to do God's work wherever we go and in whatever we do. I hope to share God's love with others, especially families struggling through divorce, wherever I am. I think Janitha, Megan and the Oklahoma America contestants would agree that it's not about winning, but about letting God mold us into His image and giving us a chance to share God with others through loving action. I believe that pageants help me to become who God wants me to be. He doesn't need a pageant do that obviously, but I believe he uses pageantry to change me and help me mature. I am so grateful that God included this opportunity to serve as Mrs. Oklahoma in His plan for me! Thank you, Lord! Amen.

For more pictures and news go to www.SashaTownsend.com/photos.htm and www.missoklahoma.org.

Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's Volunteer Appreciation Luncheon

June 5, 2008 - Today I was a part of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's volunteer appreciation luncheon and I was interviewed for OMI's upcoming promotional video. The interview was my first interview since the pageant, so I was a little overexcited, but other than that I think it went well! I was able to speak about Banana Splits, PREP and how divorce prevention is an important part of my mission for my year of service as Mrs. Oklahoma. A solid, satisfying, lasting marriage is the foundation for a happy, healthy family. I think happy healthy families are possible -- we just have a long way to go in teaching people communication skills and getting the word out about programming offered through OMI. That's why I am so proud to be a part of OMI as a volunteer marriage educator.

I also spoke with my tablemates about Banana Splits and what they were doing in their communities. So many positive things are being done, and everything is being tried to help people couples who want to have satisfying marriages to get the skills they need to do just that! PREP curriculum has been adapted through a program called Connections for youth in our high schools. We're teaching inmates about PREP and youth are attending PREP sessions with their parents to gain the valuable and necessary communications skills that, unfortunately, aren't taught in the classroom. Times are changing, and ultimately, I think the divorce culture in Oklahoma is going to change so that while divorces will continue to happen, they will only happen when necessary. There are so many marriages that fail unnecessarily because of lack of understanding and skills about how to be a great spouse. I agree with the PREP materials that state, "When it comes to loving the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn!" Oklahoma is unique in that we're actually addressing this issue, and I think the culture is slowly changing.

While divorce rates have leveled off, the number of children being born out of wedlock continues to skyrocket. Regardless of the divorce rate, there are still young people that have little to no positive examples of what a healthy relationship is. There is still much work to be done, and OMI is working to do it! I'm honored to be a part of what they are doing for families across the state.

Here, I'm pictured with service delivery coordinator Amanda Carter at the Spaghetti Warehouse in Tulsa. She helped me to get involved in OMI back in 2007. She's very professional, kind, and competent and I admire her efforts and her successes in marketing PREP in the greater Tulsa area. I hope to do the same thing for Banana Splits. I only have on year, so I have to make the most of it!